On the Verge of Dating White Girls

Bitch... Bag my groceries!!!

I normally don't call women bitches in public.  Sometimes I'm tempted.  So I like to think "Bitch" really hard and make them feel it raher than hear it. It even feels better this way sometimes...

I just happen to live near the most hectic third-world-like chaos of a grocery store where navigating the aisles can feel like fender-to-fender bicycle ridding in China on a Mary Poppins cruiser...

Needless to say, it gets hectic. People cut you in mid stride or walk really slow in the only crack of traffic available.  And if you are in the store 15 min before it closes, the produce dudes begin to pull up rugs and put away produce right in front of you with a bunch of, "Excuse me Sir"s... 

But I ain't detoured.  In fact I'll bump the shit out your little ass just to let you know that I am The Blackest Black Man Ever and I'mma get my Zucchini.  Plus I see what you're doing: You're trying to punk the customers to get the fuck out.  "Pathigga please... I got 15 minutes."...

The maganetizm of "Stella"

The DPizM logic of Older Women & Younger Men...

"Stella:" as in Older Black Woman--much older! The slang was derived from the movie "How Stella got her groove back." Where Stella went to Jamaica and got her groove on with a much younger dude. You know the rest...

Anyhew, I cain't front. I'm 34 and There is something about a fine ass older Black woman that's old enuff to be my mother that tends to pimp my imagination....  For as long as I can remember, I seem to be intrigued by their grace, maturity and gravity. The clarity of the "Verge" seems to have finally narrowed down the DPizM of the "Stella" magnetism for me...

To put it simply, "Stellas" inspire me.  I like to think that when I'm pimpin at 50, 60 and beyond, I hope my old lady is still doing it with a suaveness you can only inherit with time, wisdom and living good--sour cream free like.  Like I said, fine ass older women inspire me to live live long and good. In the same breath, I like to forecast an image of myself that can provide security for a Black woman to gracefully inhabit this planet in my presence...

The White Girl Free Fund

A Black Man is a Terrible Thing to Waste!
Ya know,  I've noticed that there continues to be a large population of folk who are bothered by the Black male and White female interracial coupling--especially with us Afrocentric Men--so I wish to do my part to resist the above image... 

As The Blackest Black Man Ever my aim is to please the masses with the assurance that:

                            I will remain...

                WHITE GIRL FREE! 

Additionally, OTV has created the:

(click here)WHITE GIRL FREE FUND(click here)

The WGFF exist to finance my Black-on-Black Love stance. As long as it is active I will remain accountable to my supporters and to the goal of White Girl Free. Basically, as long as the WGFF has a pulse, I promise to never forever ever let you down: I will be "White Girl Free."

All proceeds obtained through the WGFF will go toward building Black-on-Black loving, functional and healthy relationships and ultimately satisfying one lucky beautiful Black woman so as to live out in a world of Blackness happily ever after (at least, that's my goal).

"On The Verge" of being FAITHFUL?

OTV explores the truth from a DPizM perspective...

After years of experience with myself and others, I've come to a place that questions the reality of "100% Faithfulness." You know: No cheating. I mean, I like the concept and definition of "Faithfulness," however I sometimes wonder to what degree, what form and, how often does it really exist in 2006? (Hmmmm)....

I'm saying, if Black women continue to be so tempting.  So irresistible.  So rithickulousy available the least I can do as a single Blackest Black Man Ever is to not hate...

Do need to elaborate? Arguably,  It's fun.  Flexible. Disposable at times...And sometimes it's pure "pimpy" to be "available" for the available beautiful Black woman.

Yet I've returned from many corners of consciousness--both light and dark--complete with receipts, karma notes written in blood & tears, and the truth is always loud and clear: You get what you give.  Every relationship that I slipped a seed of dishonesty in the soil of trust of my so called "Queen," "Woman," "Earth," "Mate " has eventually blossomed into a mess of beautiful people doing ugly deeds of things we all didn't need nor want.

My past history of succesful mistakes have proven to me that I can often determine the course and ultimacy of my relationships with crucial decisions:

1. No to Booty calls
2. No to the Ex that wants to be your "friend"
3. No to the brown girl who's glowing like sunshine on a random sunny day eating a sour cream-like substance.
4. No to the CBBW who wears your weakness in her smile, scent and walk
5. No to groupie white girls...

To resist the above usually contributes to a better situation when cultivation an exclusive relationship with another Black woman.  However these things are difficult.  It's not easy and I sometimes wonder if complete faithfulness and loyalty are even possible when it comes to the Black male in Black-on-Black relationships.  I'm saying: we be enticed...

Weekly Word on The Verge: PATHIGGA

(The new "P" word)

Let's all say. "pah-THIG-gah"

Definition:

A combination of the words Pathetic and Nigga.

1. Used to emphasize an all bad situation or person 
2. Having no sense--at all

Other conjugations:

Pathiggafied
Pathiggulous
Pathigging-adverb
Pathiggad-past tense
Pathizzle-ebonics

On the Verge of Dating White Girls sentence:

1) How PATHIGGA of him to think that nobody could smell that he was smoking weed on his lunch break.  He deserved to get fired. 

2) I found ol' girl completely PATHIGGAFIED with her blond pony tail, her blue tooth ear piece and she was talking on the phone with another phone on her other ear and she was smoking a cigarette while escorting a handful of dependent adults?...  And she thought I was popping at her? PATHIGGA please.

On the Verge the Annual Cyclicalness of Singledom

DPizM on the Seasons of Relationships

Yeah, you know it is.  "Singledom" can seemingly last forever at times (I can attest to that). And through out this in-and-out of relationship phase I've noticed a pattern that is not only true to myself, but it was applicable to a lot of the people around me...

"April-ish" is the beginning of the "Single Season."  Meaning titties, muscles and bare naked skin just be out!  This is when single people flourish.  We float to the next available single person and we exercises our flirting abilities to the fullest simply because...we can.  We're available.  We have no ties.  We go from one booty to the next.  And for those in relationships, "April-ish" is the most difficult time to maintain your relation ship.  Why is that?  Because there is visual competition and the vibe of Spring and Summer is in the air.  Both man and woman are not only distracted outside their present relationship. they are entertaining the idea of "What if(s)?" with other people... This is the seed of conflict that will cripple and kill any relationship. Insecurities.

But then as the seasons begin to cool down, so do options for the single life. Less people are "out" and we can't call them all so we dwindle our selection.  This is where some relationships fail to take it to the other level often because the very person they chose to build a relationship with has chose on another relationship. So one person gets "left out" (Sorry for some, but keep your head up it's soon to be...)... 

..."August-Septemberish" By this time the "left-out" person still has her/her options because there is a whole population of good "left-outs."  And everybody wants to love... So many of the "left-outs" make use of  this period with other good "left-outs" and they find themselves in a relationship as well in order to build on something with quality...

My Sistas: This is what we want

Your Black Man's Check List To LOVE

With all this talk about White women, Black women and Black men, I'm inspired to let my sistahs know what the really is when it comes to us Brothas.  Just consider this a few pointers.  It may not 100% applicable for all Black men, but it's pretty damn close.

Peep game:

1. Lunch No, you ain't gotta swing by the office and treat me to a sandwich or nathan... But even better, make it the night before and hook a brotha up with some home cooked shit.  Feel me?  Some Veggies.  No sour cream and drop it off the night before.  You'd be the shit if you came by the office smelling and looking good.  You know a lil' floss floss for me and the fellas to rap about once you leave.  Trust me on this one.  Hand delivered home cooked food by a fine ass Black woman goes a long way.
2. Bring a Beer No. You ain't gotta drink a beer if you don't drink beer, but bring your man a beer if he likes beer--especially during the NBA play offs. I'm telling you, if you came through with a 6 pack of some decent beer or his favorite, you'd be the man Woman!
3. Picture Phone Freak Pics: Again trust me on this one.  Put a little freak in the game for your man.  Send that fool a nipple shot or something.  Send it in the middle of the day too.  Just let him know you're keeping it wet for him.  In fact, use that subject header for your photo, "Keeping it wet" ain't nathan wrong with a lil tease in your man's life.  We need this.  We love this.  And if we show our friends, so what.  That's what we do.  We share shit like that.  Just don't incriminate yourself by capturing distinctive clothes or tattoos.  Make it vague and clear.  Again, trust me on this one. 

Movie: Diary of a Tired Black Man

The Movie Coming Soon...
The Black Men's Turn to exhale.
Personally, I couldn't even watch "Waiting to Exhale."  Even then I was way tired of the mainstream media rubbing the Black Man's image in the ground in the name of "entertainment."  Now comes a film that may offer a counter to what has become acceptable: Bashing Black Men.  If anything, I'm sure "The Diary of a Tired Black Man" attempts to reveal a perspective of Black men often ignored by women who wouldn't dare look at themselves to confront "The Truth." Although the film is about interracial dating, it's about why he goes there: Angry Black Women!  I guess it's like the CD "Niggaz and White Girls," it just gives his artistic explanation. 
However, I bet the creator, Tim Alexander will catch more slack than "Waiting to Exhale" did awards.  Here's the interview with Tim Alexander on the Michael Baisden Radio Show.

DPM: The Blackest Black Man Ever

When just being Black ain't enough!

I gotta admit, the mind is a mother'. I've always fantasized about being the Blackest dude ever and now I have no choice...

Yes, my son lives with his mother and her white boyfriend... so that means I have to be "The Equalizer." Meaning: I gotta balance that shit out.  In other words my crib is the "BLACKEST HOUSE..."

1. Where we can't watch television programs dominated by white people. 
2. Where The NBA is background scenery.
3. Where no white girls venture.
4. Where we cheer for  Black boxers and we get mad when they get their asses beat.
5. Where any song at anytime can be a quiz, "Who's this rapping?" or "Spell Luther Vandross."
6. Where I drink EVERYTHING out of my Shaka Zulu Mug.
7. Where I have the largest collection of Black action figures.
8. Where I drive the original white OJ Simpson SUV
9. Where I live on Martin Luther King Jr. Way
10. Where I have 2 over sized autographed Public Enemy artifacts
11. Where almost every wall has a different African mask.
12. Where the Blackest Black Man Ever Resides!

The "Blackest House" is where the Blackest Black Man lives in order to balance out the whiteness whackness of his son's mama's house and her white man.  Failure to be the Blackest Black Man could result in lil' dpm to view the world in an unrealistic way. 

The advantages of living in the Blackest House:

1. 9-year-old's can watch a rated "R" film if Denzel is it.
2. 9-year-olds can watch Martin Lawrence, Dave Chapell and old school Eddie Murphy...
3. 9-year-olds get to hear me lecture on sports.
4. 9-year-olds get to ride in my OJ Simpson "Juice Truck"
5. 9-year-olds don't have to eat sour cream.
6. 9-year-olds don't get poisoned by MTV or BET.
7. 9-year-olds can listen to Hip-Hop uncensored.
8. 9-year-olds can sit, concentrate and get beat in chess by yours truly while I clean the house at the same time (did i mention there is non PS2?  Nah, the Blackest House has a PS1.  I keep it old school)
9. 9-year-olds get to hang out with DPM and get a constant dosage of DPizM.

Overall The Blackest House, where the Blackest Black Man Ever lives, is oftentimes the "Blackest Place on Earth!  Where nathan is beyond rithickulous!

I'm looking into opening the Blackest House to the public as an amusement park.  I keep thinking the whole world needs to visit the "Blackest House."  It's only right...

Black people and tipping

First of all, I tip because it’s customary.  Second of all, I tip because good service deserves it.  Thirdly, I tip because I can afford to do so…

Although I tip respectfully, it’s impossible for me to tip without the very careful thought of, “How much should I tip?”  Yes, I know what’s “reasonable,” what’s “fair,” and what’s “generous.” However when my waiter is White I feel like the service to a me as a Black man  (even toward a group of me(s)..) purposely varies.  So, as a result, so does my tipping range.

I could be wrong, but I think that a lot (not all) of waiters and waitresses work for tips and they have ways of showing disapproval when they feel slighted by a customer.  Often times they express their disappointment prematurely by providing less than “quality” service compared to other nearby patrons.  Too many times I’ve sat at a table or even stood at a bar for longer than I felt necessary while I watched others around me get much better service...