The Final Scrolls of DPizM: Book 2
The Accidental Scenic Route of PR...
(Disclaimer: Puerto Rico isn't exactly a "foreign country" but it qualifies and it sounds better that way in the title)
Never mind I had been drinking Drizzles all night and I was on ZERO hours sleep as in Nathan. Nuña. Nada. In other words. I was awake for the last 30 something hours partying to Reggaetone and my 9am mission was to pick HER up at the airport. That is to travel from Humacao to San Juan and back.
The Challenge was that I ain't drove more than a day in Puerto Rico and I had to take an hour drive across the island to the airport. So I studied my $2.50 map and made it happen. I gotta admit, I was pretty amazed my damn self. I navigated the PR traffic and seamlessly made it to the airport on time to pick HER up (Thank you Jesus).
I'm saying, I made it through shit like this:
WTF?!?! A 2-way traffic sign?...
Anyhew, I did it. And I didn't get turt' around.
So when I picked HER up, all I needed HER to do was study the map a lil' bit and make sure I was headed in the right direction. Sure, I gotta do my part. I'm saying, we brothas ain't never really lost. And we don't like asking for directions. So I had to keep it DPMoving. Feel me?
Perhaps my sleep deprived ass was delirious at the thought but I thought the Black woman in the passenger seat had my back. I was doing my best to be confident about the situation even though I kept seeing the map on the floor, in her lap upside down while she was looking out the window and doing her make-up in visor mirror?
"Babygurl, I might look Puerto Rican, but I ain't from Puerto Rico," I hinted. I needed some help.
"Oh OK," she said as she unwrinkled the map. "Lemme see, you're going in the right direction."
And to be real, that's all I wanted to hear. Especially when the scenery looks like this for hours:
So to make a long blog and ever longer ride short, WHY I GOTTA RUN INTO THE CARIBBEAN OCEAN TO LET MY BLACK-FEMALE-FRIEND-MAP-HOLDING-PASSENGER KNOW THAT WE LOST?
I'm saying I drove from the Atlantic Ocean to the Caribbean Sea before SHE figured it out (Oh Lawd)... Basically, I figured it out: Weez lost!
At least her make up was done, right?
To give somebody credit, we made it back--in a few hours and I had no one to blame but myself. Next time, I don't care if I gotta pull over every 5 minutes and read a map in a foreign language on the side of a cliff with a tsunami headed toward me, I'mma do it before let a Black woman navigate from the passenger seat.
Word to the Mahfuckin' Verge.
At least her make-up was done....(Somebody, please drizzle me)