My Sistas: This is what we want

Your Black Man's Check List To LOVE

With all this talk about White women, Black women and Black men, I'm inspired to let my sistahs know what the really is when it comes to us Brothas.  Just consider this a few pointers.  It may not 100% applicable for all Black men, but it's pretty damn close.

Peep game:

1. Lunch No, you ain't gotta swing by the office and treat me to a sandwich or nathan... But even better, make it the night before and hook a brotha up with some home cooked shit.  Feel me?  Some Veggies.  No sour cream and drop it off the night before.  You'd be the shit if you came by the office smelling and looking good.  You know a lil' floss floss for me and the fellas to rap about once you leave.  Trust me on this one.  Hand delivered home cooked food by a fine ass Black woman goes a long way.
2. Bring a Beer No. You ain't gotta drink a beer if you don't drink beer, but bring your man a beer if he likes beer--especially during the NBA play offs. I'm telling you, if you came through with a 6 pack of some decent beer or his favorite, you'd be the man Woman!
3. Picture Phone Freak Pics: Again trust me on this one.  Put a little freak in the game for your man.  Send that fool a nipple shot or something.  Send it in the middle of the day too.  Just let him know you're keeping it wet for him.  In fact, use that subject header for your photo, "Keeping it wet" ain't nathan wrong with a lil tease in your man's life.  We need this.  We love this.  And if we show our friends, so what.  That's what we do.  We share shit like that.  Just don't incriminate yourself by capturing distinctive clothes or tattoos.  Make it vague and clear.  Again, trust me on this one. 

4. Cook at his crib: Yes, cook at his crib and package all the left-overs all nice so he can have something to eat through out the week.  This goes far. And if you can really cook, you'll really get in our head with this one.  I'm saying, if you can cook a mean butter nut squash soup, every time we sip that joint we will be thinking of you and how good your ass you can cook.  Plus, a brotha loves that aroma of some good cooking in the house.  It reminds of him of moms house and when we had no bills...
5. Drop It Off: Yeah I know how y'all get: Horny.  And sometimes y'all just want some sex.  So here's what you do:  Just come through and drop it off aka "Give him some." Then just leave. Go home.  But leave him a card to let him know that you dropped him some shit off. In fact, leave him a card that says just that, "Tonight, I dropped some loving off to you. Be good." Then sign your name.  We need treats like this.  It keeps us satisfied.  
6. Pay for Dinner: I'm not saying do this all the time.  In fact, I hope your man pays for dinner 99.999999% of the time.  But one time go out and when the bill comes intercept it. And look him in the eyes and tell him, "I got it baby. Please let me pay this time." And if he's like me, he'll resist. But insist.  You see, we pay for a gang of stuff just because it's our role.  But every now and then it's nice to know that we are appreciated and reciprocated.  Then take him home to your crib. Feel me? Just let that Black man know that you appreciate him and you are there to lift the weight off of his shoulders in any way you can when you can (I think my dick is hard right now).  Again, trust me on this.  Do this once or twice a month.  No more.  And make sure it's a surprise.  We like this type of shit.
7. Give that Man a Facial: Nowadays, us Black men know how to give ourselves a cool cleanse, but it ain't like y'allz "Girly facials." So hook us up one time.  Cucumbers in all.  If your man is like me, he might resist.  So insist and do it once.  If he likes it, he'll ask you do to it again. Trust me.  We need this shit in our lives.
8. Clean his house: I know I'm on the verge of sounding real misogynistic right now. But if you have access to your man's crib, clean it when he's out of town so he can come home to a cleaner crib.  This will also give you an opportunity to look through his shit.  I'm not a fan of that but I thought it could give you some motivation.  Again, if he likes the surprise of this he'll ask you to do it whenever he leaves town. The reward is that you get a key to his house.  I feel like I'm giving you too much game.  The intentions are good though.
9. Burn him a CD: Burn him some shit to ride to, to upload on his iTunes whatever.  Just give him your theme music. That's all I'm going to say.  Again, trust me. 
10. By that man some Drawlz:  Did you know we keep underwear?  In fact, I'm willing to bet that there are a gang of brothas who have underwear older than 5 years old.  So hook him up.  And guess what?  Every time he puts those boxers on, he's thinking of you.  Again, trust me.  We like that shit.

Overall, the above suggestions work in relationships that have potential.  And even if the relationship lacks in "potential" the suggestions may help you out.  If your man is dogging you, be careful! The last thing you want him to do is use you for your goodness. Plus, you don't want him to know the real freak that you are. 

In sum, if you have any questions on how to connect with your man, just ask me:  The Blackest Black Man Ever

Comments

[The Phoenix]

@ Supa: Stop actin like you don't roll with us! Heffa...I know where you live! HAHAHAHAA! Aint nobody runnin from yo little boughetto-wedgie-wearin-ass...I'll come to YOU! How bout that? HAHAHAHAHAH!

@ EP: Group intimidation, huh? HAHAHAHAHA...is that what we're doing? Hey man...don't be callin me by name!!! This is my new shit...I'm on the DL - DAAAAAYYYYUUUMMM - bustin a sista out n'shit!! I just noticed that! Ok, so if you don't have a problem with home cooked food - what's the problem in going to the home of a guy - and I don't mean someone you "JUST BARELY MET YESTERDAY" - but someone you're dating casually...is it that serious?

[The Phoenix]

WTF YALL!!! Stop callin me by name - damn...a nigga can't roll incognegro if you keep callin my name out!!! ((rollin my eyes))

[dpm]

Supa:

I'll stop if you want me to. Just don't touch me (wink).

[OneCoolSista]

Oh, was she talking to us??

[Supa]

"Boughetto wedgie-wearin' ass..."
lol!

That all you got, TAM?

@ Cool Sis: WHATEVA, MAN. Now, if you'll EXCUSE ME - I'm busy scanning vrg.org for a butter soup squash nipple nut recipe, or some shit...

[OneCoolSista]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA this foo said nipple nut! lmao!

[dpm]

SupaSoupMaker:

That sounds delicious, "Butter Soup Squash Nipple Nut!" I'll leave the door unlocked for you.

[Tera]

I'm with you Emerging Phoenix. Fuck the rest of these triflin' hos, lickin' DPM's ass and shit! (lol) Fuck these dumb ass ho's man!!!!!

[dpm]

Ah'ight look. No BLOG BANGING! Damn! Can't a brotha provide a peacful, fun, stimulating, intellectual atmosphere?!?!?! Damn. I'm just trying to get Black people to love each other. My bad! Now look at this shit! Damn. I bet my white girl wouldn't be acking like this. Damn...Damn...Damn James!!!

Man, I think I'mma need a nipple shot from everybody now!...

[dee]

1st time here!!!!! found you over at p's spot!!!!

1.down for that!!!! no problem!!!!

2.I.LOVE.BEER!!!!! I ALSO LOVE THE GAME!!!!! ESPECIALLY PLAYOFF TIME!!!!

3.My camera phone S.U.C.K.S the biggest penis.......if I sent you a pic you wouldn't know what.da.hell.it.was!!!!! How about a nasty lil text????? Hell I can do that ish with my eyes closed!!!!!

4.fo sho!!! I don't mind cookin at your spot I WILL have 2 clean your kitchen 1st........so we knocked out number 8 at the same time!!!!!

5.I ALWAYS drop it off!!!! I am a single mom and I don't like my boys 2 know mommas biddness so I always get up at O'dark thirty and bounce!!!!! I have been talked bad about doing this but I guess err bodys different!!!!!

6. been there done that!!!!! I figure it's only right!!!! ya feel????

7.ummm i'mma have 2 get back on this one!!!!!

8.please see #4

9.
can't do that on my bootleg computer but hell at least i'm honest!!!!!

10.that's hella cool cause err body likes new draws!!!!!!

just my 2 cents!!!!!

[dpm]

Dee:

Your good! Work on the phone thing tho. It can make a big difference between a nasty text. Overall, if your man cain't recognize... Move on.

Word to the Verge!

[dpm]

Additionally EmerhingPhoenix is my mahfucking Blog Friend!!!! DAMN!

P dropped it. Then that means y'all can too! Day-Yum!

Now, where's my soup? (Shit)

[Blackhoney]

My advice to my beautiful Black Sisters...

Do everything dpm said above.... for your Husband.

Never be a wife to a man that ain't your husband.

Why buy the cow when she gives you her milk for free?

(My Daddy told me this)

[OneCoolSista]

Oh wow...I guess Submerged Phoenix couldn't find so much as ONE intelligent friend to "say sumn" to whomever was intimidating her so badly. Hell, any ol' ignant scumback skank can string together a bunch of ineffective curse words that do little more than insult her friend by association and make herself look terribly ... "unwitty" 'cuz on the real, that mess there is simple-minded, immature drivel. Would've impressed me more, though, if she'd used the word "fuck" a few more times.

Waddup Dee.

Consider it squashed for ya soup, DPM.

[The Phoenix]

Heheheh @ Tia

Wow...ummm...ok, I thought we were all GROWN FOLKS HERE. Tera...sweetheart, "hos" is spelled "HOES" and the last time I checked, I'm an accountant - NOT a garden tool. I guess you didn't do so hot in the spelling bees, huh? Nor did you make good use of Mr. Webster's BIG BOOK! Po' thang...I'm sorry. Besides, you're all late...ain't nobody trippin off that shit anymore. Now run along and go play in traffic...please. (see? at least I'm polite and not calling you names like the stupid ass bitch you are) hehehe...oops! Did I say that?

@ Blackhoney: I agree with your Daddy, but there ain't nothing wrong with lettin a brotha "sample" the good life (I ain't sayin make it a regular thing - of course unless you're plannin on getting hitched).

And oh, I failed to acknowledge the things I do from that list...

1. Seeing how we gotta eat, I cook dinner every night AND pack him lunches for his next night at work.
2. I happily bring beers with a smile - hell, sometimes I'll even share.
3. Yeah, I've sent him pics to his phone while he was at work...give him a little something to think about while we're apart.
4. Well seeing how we're married...his house IS MY HOUSE. Got that covered.
5. I can't just "drop it off" but I know how to roll over and go back to sleep! HAHAHA!
6. I paid for our very first date (that kinda reeled him in) and he was the one that asked ME out.
7. I've never given him a facial, but I've been known to give manicures, pedicures, massages and lines. I've even given him gift certificates for these things to be done professionally.
8. Shit...we got 3 kids. I GOTTA keep his house clean - or that would make me a "triflin ho" like what Tera called us. HAHAHAH!
9. I burn CDs all the time - and he actually listens to them.
10. I've purchased drawls, jeans, shirts, jackets, shoes, socks, t-shirts, ties, gas, car washes...

TOP THAT SHIT!

[Cocoa Girl]

Dayum. What did I miss up in here?

(*ducking real low*) Ya'll was wrong for the gang up... folks can have differing opinions... (in grandma-ma's voice) "it's okay, baby..."

DP - I don't know, dude. I'se a little too selfish for some of those thangs.

Supa - ^5 on that paying Maria to clean up the house sheyot... Cocoa says save the manual labor for that Manuel!

Great post, DP. Too bad I missed it. Looks like I gotta send you a photo with a nip. LOL

[mrs-tj]

Hey!
I can only imagine how your comments are going on this one. I know folks are probably going crazy. BUT as a married woman I actually agree with you on a majority of these items. Now I'm not going to send a picture of my breasts to hubby...BUT I know for sure he would love that mess! Now as a black woman I feel like it is my Privilege to treat my man like the KING he is. Huh? WHAT? Yes ya'll...Every day I wake up I know I am taken care of and I KNOW he sees me as, treats me as, and loves me as...HIS BLACK QUEEN. TO go above and beyond every now and again will not only help a new relationship but will also keep a marriage going stop. There is nothing wrong with keeping BLACK LOVE ALIVE!
Holla!

[dpm]

Word to the Verge Mrs-TJ!!!

It's nice to know that you enjoy a royal companionship with your hubby. But hey, don't be scurd to send that nip pic... Like you said, he'd "love that mess!"
So why not? It can only make him happier...

C'mon. Surprise him.

[THE GEMINI]

I REALLY ENJOYED HEARING THIS FROM A MALE'S PERSPECTIVE. I AM DATING A SPECIAL PERSON,AND I'M ABOUT TO USE SOME OF YOUR IDEAS...NIX ON THE NIPPLE PIC VIA CELL PHONE...BUT I AGREE WITH THE OTHER WOMAN, WOMEN THINK THEY KNOW WHAT MEN WANT BUT IF ANYONE KNOWS IT'S MEN THEMSELVES...GOOD LOOKING OUT.

[dpm]

Damn Ta...The Phoenix:

Your man must love you. If this were a contest, you mighta won.

BlackHoney (Love that name):

If you reserve ALL the above for your husband, then what you gonna do with your boyfriend pre-marriage?

True you can't give away the milk before the cow is secured, but then again you gotta test drive the whip before you put your scrilla dawn. That's all I'm saying.

I quote Allen Iverson: "Practice. We're talking about PRACTICE. Not the game I go all out for and risk my body FOR. No not the game. We are talking about PRACTICE. C'mon man..."

Word to the Verge!

[Juicy77]

Not a problem, as long as he mows the lawn, takes the trash out, and can fix some broken ish around the house, we're cool! (In the very least, know what to do with a clogged drain.) If I can be the cook/maid/freak and he can be the handyman/gardener/garbage man we'll get along just fine. A man who can fix things is a real turn on so he shouldn't have a problem bringing the freak out of his woman. ;o)

btw, I do agree with the do-it-for-your-husband-not-boyfriend theory (unless you're a woman who doesn't want to get married). If you give it all away, why would he marry you? I've done things on this list and you know what happens?
HIM: "Juicy, Will you move in with me?"
ME: "Umm, not unless we're getting married."
And then they get all psycho jealous crazy man on me. TURN-OFF.
And that's where it all ends.
And then there's the whole doormat thing. I've heard many black men say that they hate that. Whew! I'm getting tired just thinking about the balancing act (between bitch and pushover). Maybe I just need to do like Halle Berry, Kerry Washington, or the Williams sisters (Venus and Serena) and start getting on the verge of dating white men. LOL!

[dpm]

Juicy:

I'm saying, with a name like Juicy, I'd be hard pressed not to move in my damn self!

But trust me, we don't need the "Bitch" part. But we can handle a lil' bite. Just don't develop any "Bitch" habits.

But for all your other request, we can do that.

Mow the lawn: Simple.
Fix a leak: In my sleep.

Yadadamean?

If a brotha can't do these simple things, he can flip "Manuel" a c-note to make it work, right?

I'm saying, ANYTHING to keep "Juicy" from falling beyond the brink of "The Verge."

Lawd have mercy!

Say it with me: "Keep Juicy! Keep Juicy"

[Honey]

This list is golden..I love it for it goes along with my theory that the average man doesn't really want that much. I think men are quite simplistic when you get down to it. We give you guys too much credit

[The Goddess]

This was pretty entertaining. I'm going to have to check you out periodically. As far as your list goes, I've done all of that plus some. And you're right, you definitely have to be careful when in those relationships that are going no where fast, because giving too much of the goodness will get you GOT. And I don't mean that in a good way.

[hoodtronix]

1. Beer check. As long as you brings ME one when you hit the fridge.
2. Lunch Check.(leaves more $$$ for dinner on the weekends.
3. Drop it off. If I am in the hood I would be happy to.

As long as a n*gga is reasonable, is all good.