"On The Verge" of being FAITHFUL?

OTV explores the truth from a DPizM perspective...

After years of experience with myself and others, I've come to a place that questions the reality of "100% Faithfulness." You know: No cheating. I mean, I like the concept and definition of "Faithfulness," however I sometimes wonder to what degree, what form and, how often does it really exist in 2006? (Hmmmm)....

I'm saying, if Black women continue to be so tempting.  So irresistible.  So rithickulousy available the least I can do as a single Blackest Black Man Ever is to not hate...

Do need to elaborate? Arguably,  It's fun.  Flexible. Disposable at times...And sometimes it's pure "pimpy" to be "available" for the available beautiful Black woman.

Yet I've returned from many corners of consciousness--both light and dark--complete with receipts, karma notes written in blood & tears, and the truth is always loud and clear: You get what you give.  Every relationship that I slipped a seed of dishonesty in the soil of trust of my so called "Queen," "Woman," "Earth," "Mate " has eventually blossomed into a mess of beautiful people doing ugly deeds of things we all didn't need nor want.

My past history of succesful mistakes have proven to me that I can often determine the course and ultimacy of my relationships with crucial decisions:

1. No to Booty calls
2. No to the Ex that wants to be your "friend"
3. No to the brown girl who's glowing like sunshine on a random sunny day eating a sour cream-like substance.
4. No to the CBBW who wears your weakness in her smile, scent and walk
5. No to groupie white girls...

To resist the above usually contributes to a better situation when cultivation an exclusive relationship with another Black woman.  However these things are difficult.  It's not easy and I sometimes wonder if complete faithfulness and loyalty are even possible when it comes to the Black male in Black-on-Black relationships.  I'm saying: we be enticed...

Then again, there are the things you have to keep in focus while walking the path of Blackness On The Verge of Dating White Girls.

Needless to say, you gotta wear the right sneakers and make the right decisions.  To say "yes" to the below can keep you in standing when it comes to meeting that super  special woman.

1. Yes to a Black woman can buy you a drink
2. Yes to a Black woman who sends you a nipple pic.
3. Yes to a woman who drops it off...
4. Yes to a woman who burns you a CD of some hot shit
5. & Yes to a Black woman that loves Black Men (Damn that sounds good)!

I guess it's things like the above that motivate me to be The Blackest Black Man Ever.  And it's my belief that the Blackest Black Man Ever has faith and vision that supports Faithfulness and Loyalty within the existence of "Black Love."

But what does it mean to be faithful?  Does it mean that your record of infidelity and temptation is clean or does it mean that you can come clean with the truth between you and your partner after a not so perfect/secrete episode?

I think it means both.  I mean really, the best anyone can do is their best.  And we all know what our "best" is.  And our "not so best" is what we and/or the other person has to accept: the perfect imperfection that God made us as.

My question is:  Is there such a thing as complete loyalty and faithfulness?  I'm sure it exist however  how so? And is it practical in 2006? 

May "The Verge" be with you...

Comments

[P]

Loyal: Faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution, or product

Faithful: Steadfast in affection or allegiance

That means, that a relationship between a black male and female can be fruitful, loving, not one sided, and full of the agony and ecstacy that emcompasses an everyday love.

There are three types of love.

Eros Love is erotic love: It is derived from just a sexuality and sensuality that is the initial attraction, and usually dissipates to some degree over time.

Phileo love is the brotherly type of love - hence where we get the word Philadelphia love. It is more of a platonic type of love - I love you because you love me.

Agape love (Pronounced A-gop-pay) is an all encompassing love. It is forgiving (not stupid), Strong (not brutish), full of growth (not smothering) and is an every day learning process. That is how you should love your mate. It can take any kind of mate to go from person to person, but it takes a steady strong person to remain standing tall in the face of temptation.

That does NOT mean:

- Women and men will not get tempted. As a matter of fact, usually when you are sewed up folks can smell it a mile away and then the heat is on.

- That the "grass is green on the other side" mentality creep up on occasion. We are human and those thought do occur; the distinction, however, comes from the subsequent behavior on reacting and submitting to temptation, versus standing tall in the eye of the storm.

That's for the face of a committed relationship. And as for the practicality of it, in this post-modern era of "anything goes" mentality, it is always refreshing to see a relationship stand the test of time - and exhibit agape love.

If you are just dating, then well, do your thang.

[P]

On the verge of cutting - I think not! I'm first in line, yo.

Tall girls have all the fun.

[dpm]

P: "If you're just dating, then well, do your thang."

Precisely. I've always had the mentality that if I ain't married then I ain't did nathan wrong. But when does it come a time to be commited and truly accountable?

These are my thoughts. I thank you for yours.

The Verge is with you.

[P]

D

When your heart merges with your mind. . .Then you'll be ready. No more, no less.

Women are ready when they find the right man.

Men are ready when their life is right and they align themselves with a good woman.

There is a difference.

(In my humble opinion)

[Supa]

Such a necessary conversation in the interest of “black love.” There are soooo many complexities to the subject..

First. You asked “does being faithful mean that your infidelity record is clear, or that you can come clean with your partner after an “episode” with another….

I think “being faithful” means both – meaning, you BOTH do your damndest to honor the agreement before you (whether it be marriage or exclusivity, ‘cause “dating” isn’t a committment), you BOTH do your damndest to honestly communicate & maintain & nurture your relationship in a positive direction, AND in the event of something going down with an 'outsider', you are more compelled to be HONEST about it with your partner vs. hiding, lying, denying, etc.

Really, I think it all comes down to honesty. (About what you want, need, & expect) When you’re honest about yours, you are also giving that other person(s?) the opportunity to make a decision based on ALL the information. If a brotha is pimpy and is regularly on the prowl, then I’d like to know that – because then, it allows ME to decide if the situation is what I want for myself, at that time. It’s when we start making assumptions, avoiding certain conversations, and are unclear of our own motivations & desires when shit starts to get messy.

Temptation is a part of the human experience & will always be a factor in a relationship. (we ALL be enticed) How that factor plays out will vary depending on the individual’s mindset AND their feelings about their primary relationship.

I think for a lot of us, UNTIL we grow wiser, more experienced, more in tune with self and/or more severly confronted with the fallout of lies & infidelity - I think a lot of us just don’t give a fuck. Sadly, we don’t realize the consequences of the emotional games we play. For a variety of reasons - we just wanna do what we wanna do. We want that immediate gratification. We want (like Halle said) “to feel goooood,” and we want to stroke our egos and power trips and insecurities and whatever else prompts us to deal shadily within our relationships.

Which even brings us to this: Is emotional infidelity just as bad (or worse) than physical infidelity? I know plenty of women who say “I can forgive him if it was just a fuck.” But if the brotha cares for, or fell in love with another – that betrayal is more difficult to accept.

There’s a line from one of my favorite flics (CLOSER), when the dude admits to his affair and says that “he couldn’t help it, he fell in love”. And his lover’s reply was:

"As if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment: 'I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it,' and I don't know when your moment was...but I bet there was one."

I think there IS always a moment when you can decide: (i.e., is what I'm about to do going to have a positive/negative impact on my relationship?)

A person would have to consider what she/he wants for her/himself, and for their partnership/union as a whole – and your actions will either serve to reap the beautiful benefits, or just create more drama & chaos in your life.

So, yes. I think faithfulness and loyalty are possible: Difficult, but certainly not impossible. The ability, desire, and willingness to be honest, open, ready, hopeful and having a GANG of faith (and fearlessness) all play a big role. And then you just gotta hope and *believe* that your partner is as ready and down as you are.

And, yo: I hear that black-is-back, old-school “Claudine and Roop” kinda love is making a comeback…it’s about damn time.

[Supa]

And oh yeah, I'm SECOND! Peach brandy, anyone?

[Mdean]

"100% Faithfulness" It's real. Shiiit I'll be married 5 years come July. Sometimes I feel like Frodo cuz I'm the MF'in Lord of the Rings. That ring round myfinger does get hot. On the real tho I don't have the heart to cheat. Buck that I love my family too much to bring that maddness. Tho if Stacy Dash ran up on me....

[MzNewAgenda]

I think you can be faithful when you find the ying to your yang.

[dpm]

Supa:

I didn't know "Black" was gone? Even if it left, I'm trying to keep it alive... Help me out here:)

MDiesel:

I'm glad to hear that the ring can be worn depspite the contrary evils that exist.

MizNew: I think you're right. But if a slim Janet Jackson runs uup on me, I'mma need a pass!

[The Phoenix]

I actually had a lot to say on this subject...but after typing nearly an entire book, I decided to delete it all and say this...

Being faithful requires a certain strength. And yes, KARMA plays a huge role in what you get in this lifetime. I'm sure there are some people who have remained faithful thru trials and tribulations. Some people DO actually take their vows seriously. Practicality is neither here nor there...you're either faithful or NOT...but it's human nature to be attracted to other people (for whatever reason)...we will ALWAYS have the free will to make choices. We either walk the straight and narrow - or we cross the line and lead life of deceit. CHOICES DO PLAY A HUGE ROLE.

[Supa]

Aww! Big ups to Mdean!!!

Ok, DPM. :)

[dpm]

Supa:

I cain't have a pass for Ashanti? I'm saying, I'm human.

[Supa]

Cool! And I get one for Raja...

[dpm]

That's cool. I ain't a hater. Just bring back some scrill or sumthin, a jersey... some tickets...

[Supa]

Bet. And you be careful, love, untangling yourself from Ashanti's sideburns...I'm just saying.

Can I sleep in Raja's jersey?

[Free]

I agree with Supa (the first comment - and okay - the others too!). It was a man (Chris Rock) who said "Men are as faithful as their options." I laughed at the joke, but I think that most people really WANT to be faithful, but when certain options present themselves... I guess it's not supposed to be easy, tho. The Phoenix said it well: it's about choice.

[dpm]

Supa:

You can sleep in Raja's jersey, as long as you time it right to take it off.

And leave Ashanti alone! She chocolattahazz!!!

Free:

Chris Rock said too much..

[Great Turtle]

I love black men. Check out our blog page! http://confessionsofbeautifulwomen.blogspot.com/

[satisfiedsistah]

Love means putting the needs of the other person "first"
If you do that, you can't cheat.
In some religions even looking at the opposite sex can get you severely punished, why is this? Because of the severe implications (infidelity) has on not just the two involved but kids, family, community. I guess we are all to modern to think of things such implications. I only cheated one time, in college, boyfriend was away at UCB, I was in the midwest in the dorm going nuts. Well a few hits on a splif with some friends and things got out of hand. My conscience beat the hell out of me afterwards, he would call long distance, what you doing? Ah, I ah well..........I would never go that route again.
Neva, Nathan

[Redneck Bob]

Can you jiggs stay faithful? I thought you were some jungle coon animals.

[dpm]

Redneck Bob:

Can you please go back to the front of the bus? Were talking back here. Thanks!

[Mwabi]

this whole post, no comments were hee-lay-re-ous!!

[dpm]

Mwabi:

Welcome to the "Verge"...