Black people and tipping

First of all, I tip because it’s customary.  Second of all, I tip because good service deserves it.  Thirdly, I tip because I can afford to do so…

Although I tip respectfully, it’s impossible for me to tip without the very careful thought of, “How much should I tip?”  Yes, I know what’s “reasonable,” what’s “fair,” and what’s “generous.” However when my waiter is White I feel like the service to a me as a Black man  (even toward a group of me(s)..) purposely varies.  So, as a result, so does my tipping range.

I could be wrong, but I think that a lot (not all) of waiters and waitresses work for tips and they have ways of showing disapproval when they feel slighted by a customer.  Often times they express their disappointment prematurely by providing less than “quality” service compared to other nearby patrons.  Too many times I’ve sat at a table or even stood at a bar for longer than I felt necessary while I watched others around me get much better service...

*Please note White waiters: It doesn't help nor entice Black people to tip when you don't provide good service.

More specifically, it utterly bugs the mess heck shit out of me to blatantly receive less quality service at a restaurant than the next white patron.  Am I imagining this? I doubt it.  I’ve been at many a restaurant and watched my waiter entertain other non-black patrons a lot more than me. I’m not tripping.  It happens all the time.  It’s as if the waiter or waitress assumes that I’m not going to tip because I’m Black. Either that or missed the “White Only” sign when I entered.

I suspect that this treatment stems from the stigma that black people do not tip. So food servers and bartenders that generally believe this aren’t too enthusiastic about serving us.

What kills me is that I do tip.  However, it’s painful to generously tip when the waiter doesn’t deserve it. 

To give credit where it’s due, there are a lot of hard working servers.  And if you're one of those, please know that I love to tip you for your service. Unfortuantely, some waiters don't approach my table with the same enthusiasm... I wish they did.  Consequently, I’ve developed a tipping system that I’ve grown comfortable with. 

Bar tipping:
I tip at least a $1 and often $2 if they serve me quickly.  And if they get my drizzle right, I may give more. 

If it’s a crowded club, the bar is hectic, and the bartender takes a while to even ask for my drink, I tip him/her well (somewhere between 3-5 dollars) so they’ll remember me the next time. And that next time I order my drank, they better be quick or I ain’t dropping shit!  If they are timely and/or I see them make an effort, I give them a buck on top of the healthy tip I gave them the first time.

If the bartender serves me my drizzle without a napkin beneath my glass, I make sure they see me peel my own napkin and depending my mood, I decide to leave them $1 or $2.

Restaurant tipping:
I’m prepared to tip at least 15%. I have no problems tipping.  I just like to get what I pay for: Service
But if the server is blatantly decided on not providing me the same service as the other white people patronizing the same establishment, I make sure to tip them WELL.simply because the surprised look on their face knowing that they didn’t deserve shit is priceless. "Glitter."—especially when they chase me out the door with “Thank you(s)” and “Please come again(s)…”  Yeah that shit is priceless...

I’ve never waited on tables simply because I don’t like to touch white creamy foods nor do I like to deal with hungry people.  Interestingly enough I’ve met a lot of servers that hate waiting on tables.  They might make cool tips, but they still complain about it.  My advice to them is: If it’s that miserable, don’t do it.

Comments

[satisfiedsistah]

DPM
It's my feeling that tipping is still a gratuity, meaning it is a gift given when the service supercedes what is common. Black people reserve the right, while others don't to tip appropriately, meaning associated with the "real and anticipated service' I know people who after dinner will tip 20% or more. I tip my nail lady, the massuese and the hairdresser. However, the hairdressers, black, weren't used to being tipped, so they didn't have their system set up for tips, they just didn't expect them. In New York if you don't tip, they yell at you. I found that out the hard way. Black people not tipping is one of those old myths that just won't die. We tip, we just tip differently. But of course there are those who don't understand the idea, such as a dollar per suitcase when you get a vallet to take your things to your room. After a while it gets on ones nerves how a system designed to show gratitude became the second part of a persons salary.

[bballmom]

Unfortunately the IRS made tipping apart of the servers salary. They assume that servers will be tipped a minimum of 8-10% and are therefore taxed on the total of the sales for that amount of money. Even if they recieve no tip or something less than deserved.
It's been my experience that black folks tend to think that the tip is for service above and beyond the call of duty and not for overall good service. So, I have experienced attitudes from the beginning because htey want to see how high you will jump to get a buck or two. I am NOT saying this is everybody, that was just my personal experience 20 years ago when I was waiting tables and bartending.
Listening to my brother who is a general manager for a fine burger joint, things haven't changed much since then.

[eb0nie]

This may be bad but Im on a budget. Even when Im broke I only tip 1-3 dollars never over 3 dollars. Ever.

I remember being in D.C at a resturant and it was bout 5 of us all eating. Well the bill came I had to be about 19 years old. The bill had "gratuity" $36 bucks! Im looking at the bill like who the hell order "gratuity"? I know sad. I was ignorant and didnt know. So I called the waiter over and told her we didnt order no "gratuity" and we need her to take this off our tab. She was looking at us like you "black people" and I didnt care. Im like well let me speak to a manager. She didnt explain to us what it was and Im 19 so this is one of my first times paying for my own dinner.

Manager came and said we add "gratuity" to parties of 5 or more. At this point Im like WTF is "gratuity". He explained that it was a tip and its 15% of you all's total order.

I wanted to die from embarrassment. lol I was in the resturant doing tha fool non of my friends knew what it was either. We paid and left. Now every one makes fun of me every time we go out. "gratuity" always makes its way into our conversation. =(

[ThatGirlTam]

Good topic...

One night P and I went to dinner in a mostly white establishment and had noticed that our service was a little shitty...but being the properly raised women we are, we remained graceful and polite (cuz we were taught to be that way). Later our (white) server came back to our table to inform us that we were the most NICE and POLITE customers he had ever had - EVER. Next thing I know we were getting BOMB ASS service and even attracting attention from some of the other "previously not interested in us" wait staff...we left him a great tip and decorated our paper table covering with all sorts of pictures, messages and drawings giving him props for being a the best waiter.

Although I DO kinda shy away from IHOP establishments because I always end up in the "that's not my station" section...where none of the wait staff can tell me who my server is...or maybe it's a black thing...I dunno...

[P]

Ditto with Tam re: Good post.

First off, DPM, you should NEVER tip if someone gives you sour cream on the side. HAHA I crack myself up.

Anyway, back to the lecture at hand.

TIPS is an acronym. It stands for: To Insure Professional Service. The tip used to be given at the beginning of a meal for that very reason. The server would perform accordingly.

With that said:

Am I a tipper - YES. A good one. . .Yes, I seem to think so, comparable to my salary, sure.

Of course there are always exceptions to the rule, but exceptions DO prove the rule.

I am a good tipper for the VERY reasons that you describe. We are notorious for not tipping but asking for a 'side of this' and 'an extra order of this'. I'm keeping it real. Doesn't happen all the time but I have witnessed it. My significant (well, sort of significant) used to be a server, and he said that these are the worst tippers, not necessarily in this order (By the way, he said that these are also the people that ask for the most treatment):

- Single Mothers
- Black Folks
- Groups of Hispanic Women

Please don't shoot the messenger - this is coming from the mouth of a former server.

Perhaps if you are on a budget, then maybe an establishment that pays employees sub minimum wage so that they can work for their tips is not the place that you should be.

Tips are no different than the work place. If you demonstrate a high quality of work/work performance, then you should be rewarded accordingly. I want to be remembered, just as Tam said, the women who left a bomb tip, was polite, and who left a lasting impression (It may help that we flirted a little, but so what!)

And of course, In a crowded setting, you are probably not going to get the most personalized attention; however, that's not the servers fault - that should be addressed with the general manager. You should look at the quality of the time they are with you, and then reward accordingly.

Sometimes I leave a little note as well. "Great job" "Thank you for Everything", "You were great".

TIPS- To Insure Professional Service. That's what it's all about.

PS: Of course, you don't tip bad servers, but most bad servers don't last long. - Once again, an exception to the rule.

[That Girl Tam]

BRAVOOOOOOOO! Yes, P is a good tipper...and yes, she's been known to flirt...errr...WE'VE been known to flirt with our server, because HEY...we think that we're cute and should get damn good service! HAHAHA!! Of course we've never tried that with a female server...hmmm...that might be interesting - lemme look into that! HAHHAHAHA!!

I'm generally a fair tipper - but as P stated, I tip based on the kind of service I got. And P and I usually tend to leave lasting impressions on folks when we're out in the streets - so not only do we get great service (with a smile), we leave a tip and usually a little note letting our server know how great they were...

Service oriented jobs HAVE GOT TO SUCK - at least that's what I remember from when I had one. I try not to be an asshole of a customer (because they ARE out there). AND spit or protein plus in my food is disgusting...lol...be nice to your servers...

[dpm]

Word. I do believe in tipping too. I like the idea of leaving a note. Tam, you and P are genuises!

Eboni: that's soem of the funniest shit I've ever read. I hear you tho. She coulda schooled you--politely.

Bmama: I hear you. I have a feeling the race tension between servers and customers will be around for a long long time.

SS: The one thing I hate about tipping is that it places an invisble price on the menu. I'm saying, if I gat 5 dollars and the vegan soup cast $4.50 I'mma feel real stuoid if I sat down to eat with a 5 cent tip. It shouldn't be like that, but it is.
Then again, if I was hella hungry and feeling gangsta', I wouldn't give a damn. I'd get my soup on and if the server was upset at my 5 cent tip, oh well. Maybe they shouldn't be a server.

[Another Damned Medievalist]

I was a server all through grad school, and yeah, generally speaking, black folks have a reputation for tipping badly. So do single white women and all women in groups. I used to work in a place where people fought to not have to wait on the local gypsy folks. My attitude? I'm not going to do a shitty job, no matter what. And I'm going to smile, because that's part of my job. But you know, there's this whole 'perpetuate the problem' going on, too -- because sometimes you get groups of folks who come in, and they're all about running the server around, and you know they aren't going to tip. And you've got other tables of people who aren't treating you like a servant (because there is a difference), so you give them more of your time and attention. But if you're a good server, you are nice to ALL your customers because you want them to come back -- and one thing that's really true about regular customers is that they will tip you.

But I've also lived all over the country and waited tables in lots of places. And I come from a seriously multi-racial family (White USAmerican, Afro-American, Afro-Caribbean, Chinese, Thai, and White European), so it never occurred to me that it was a black folks/white folks thing. But it is a class thing. Customers who don't go out that often and are shocked by the prices, and who are out to get the most for their money treat you like servants and tip for shit. Mostly it's 'cause they don't know. But I have this conversation with my momma all the time -- she sees a tip as extra. One time we got in a fight because I think if you can't afford to leave a good tip, you have no business going out.

Like somebody said above -- servers pay tax on tips, even when they don't earn them, and in most states, they only make about $3 an hour before tips, because they wrote a way around the minimum wage laws. I was a good server, and almost always made about 18%. So I sell $1000 worth of food on a given night. I start with $180. Then I tip my busser, because that's restaurant policy -- and you want a good busser, so he gets 20% of my tips -- that leaves me with $144. Then I have to tip out the bar. You want your drinks fast, you pay. Say I sold $300 in bar drinks -- about right for a total of $1000. So now I've got $114, because you tip 10% of your drink sales to the bar. Then there's the expo, who makes sure your orders are right,and the food runner, who makes sure it gets out to the customers if you're really busy -- that's a buck each an hour, for 5 hours -- I've got $104 left. I'm walking with just over 10%, and the federal government knows I sold $1000, so I'm going to have to pay taxes on $85, if I decide to break the law and not declare the whole amount, because the restaurant will obey the government and withhold on that 8.5%. Repeat that four nights a week -- because servers often get only 4 shifts, and you know, servers are just other working-class people trying ot make a living. You're paying more to pretty much everybody else who performs some kind of service, but you just don't notice because you don't get the choice.

What's sad is that, when people have a choice, they often choose to pay badly. It shows a real lack of understanding of the difficulties of doing the job well and respect for the working person.

And if a server doesn't do a good job? then don't tip -- and complain. And if you can't tip a lot, but wish you could? Then say something nice. It makes a huge difference.

Sorry for going on.

[Cocoa Girl]

Great topic!

I hae a friend who is not stingy or cheap, but always finds fault with servers and then demands that she is not leaving a tip.

Her attittude is never justified and quite honestly I feel that she starts shit with the waitstaff. I'm still trying to figure out how to check her on it!

[dpm]

Word MidEvil,

That's really insightful. Thanks for the knowledge. I guess, servers shouldn't be servers if they don't have to be. Than again, I'm sure some servers rack up major doe all because of where they work...
To each his/her own. As for myself, I cain't do it.

i am a black woman and i OVER-tip, everywhere i go. i'm extremely conscious of the perception that black women/black people are bad tippers, and i try to over-tip to over-compensate. i tip at least 20% at all times. even when service is bad, i still feel like i have to leave something.

i hate that i have this complex. i am friends with a 20-something white girl and she is the worst tipper i have ever seen, and she comes from a rich family!

[Miss Atl]

Let me start by saying that I love your blogm its refreshing, enlightning and funny as hell.

Now I bartend part time (you know hair money, new shoe money, saving for vacation ect.) and so when I am on the receiving end I am a great tipper and when i have bad service I still tip well and I leave a note on the check stating to them that even though they may not deserve it I still tipped them and that they should be more attentive. but you are right the way they treat you once they have seen their tip is funny. "have a ncie day" "come back" ect ect LOL

[dpm]

Word Miss ATL. Thanks for stopping by "The Verge." I'mma have to start leaving notes because I do tip, but sometimes I need to school my server. Holla.

[Art]

This is a awfuly old blog but I am going to post a comment anyways
I am a server for Red Lobster I am not white I am asian and the way I do things is I give everyone the same service weather your black , white , Asian , ect ect , and I give good service even if your rude and try to offend me or even don't tip me I bite my tounge and smile . I even get those occasion bad tippers who love my service and ask for my service again EVEN ater they dont tip me! but to be honest I am more afraid of the white customers because they actually treat me more like a slave than anything else them prissy snobby sons of bitches lol