You named your kid ________?!?!

Names and Connotations

“This couldn’t be right,” I thought as I looked at the roll sheet.  This ain’t nobody’s real name.  Ah hell no, “Courvoisier?”

“Here,” he said. 

I was stunned.  Somebody actually named him after a cognac.  Yeah, Courvoisier was somebody’s name way before it became a cognac and I’m sure that somewhere in France there is a Courvoisier kickin’ it somewhere… But not in Jr High in Richmond, CA.  Say it ain’t so. 

I mean, that’s like naming your kid “Jesus.” Black people don’t do that. Courvoisier?  C’mon.

2 weeks later I got a new student on my roll sheet “No,” I thought.  “Hell to the nah.”  What is going on?

“Lukeemiah,” I called...

“Here,” she said.  Lukeemiah turned out to be very smart and quite possibly physic because she either read my mind or the frozen look on my face and said, “My mama didn’t know it was a cancer.  She had heard a nurse say it, and she thought it was a cute name…”

That semester was fun for me, Lukeemiah, Courvoisier and Tanqueray.

I called them by their nick names Ki-Ki,Vos’ and Tee.   

Lovely.

For future reference:

1) If you're going to name your  child after an alcoholic beverage, please think twice about it if it’s a cognac.

2)If your going to name your child after a disease, please do your research to see if there is a cure.

3) If you’re going go name your child after God (like Jah, God or Jesus), please consult your parents.

Below are a few other names to think about twice:

Maybe I’m trippin’.  But I think that that one of these names are enough.

Katrina
Tupac
Shobad
Tookie
Morphious
Jah
Beynoce
& Tito

**Recent additions

Outakeesha
Nacious

More updates: 4/2/2006

Amunique

Chardonnay

Bacadi Rolex

Daiquiri

Bonequeesha

Aquanetta

La Royce

Iamychael.

Comments

[dpm]

Kristen, Jameil, Pamela:

I'm going to have to update this blog and add those names. That ridiculously pushes my patience on "The Verge."

[Clarity]

Wow, those are some terrible names...why, why why?

There is one correction I must make though; TiaMoyo is a misspelling of Tiamoyo a name that means one who inspires in Swahili and happens to be the name of Kwaanza founder Karenga's wife. So it's a real name not a ghetto fab creation.

[Tyiesha]

Way back in 1968, during the uprising of black power and black pride, my mother decided that if she had a baby girl she would name her Tyiesha Chalondah. In 1973, she named me that because she wanted me to have a beautiful name. Granted, it IS a little ghetto sounding. (you can almost see the neck-rollin' when you say it)

A few years ago, I was trying to figure out why nobody was giving me a call back from the 100 or so resumes I had sent to potential employers. Then I watched the famous "Dateline" special about black folks not getting call backs from potential employers because of the "black" sounding names on their resumes. I was pissed about it and even entertained the idea of blaming my mother. Why the hell didn't she name me Becky or something? As with anything traumatic, anger came first, I said to myself: "Well screw them. I cant help it if I have a beautiful arabic-sounding name." I refused to adjust my resume. Denial. To me it was like selling-out or when light-skinned black people with straight hair tell you they are "Sicilian" or some shit because they want to hide they are. Well, I am a light-skinned black woman with straight hair (and I wear it natural) named TYIESHA CHALONDAH who is proud to be black! I left my resume the way it was for a while until I found myself working as a waitress out of desperation. Now my resume says Ty. (Acceptance)I felt like I betrayed my ancestors or something. I felt like I dropped the name Kunta Kinte to name myself Toby just for a job. (Guilt)I did finally get a job as Ty.

OT: Where do white people get off acting like they cant pronounce my name? I was once working under a white supervisor named Terri Wachowski. My co-workers at the time were named Myesha, and LaTesha (yes, a trio of Eeshas) so Terri says, "I always get your names confused. You GIRLS have such looooong names." This was coming from a bitch named Wachowski. How come I can pronounce AND spell that fucked up eastern European moniker and this broad can't even SAY Tyiesha. Such fuckin' arrogance. AND she called us GIRLS. We were all women over the age of 28 at the time. So, I feel there is another side to this naming issue.

In conclusion, the most recent additions to "black" names especially the poor children who were named after products, is just a reflection of our societies values. Courvoisier, Lexus, and Champagne are NOT beautiful resonances of our glorious past. Lateefah, Rasheeda, and Tyiesha are the type of names I roll with.

[makieya]

I've def seen a few Aquanetta's in my time. Let's not forget "Alizay" though