Crazy Beautiful Belizean Woman (CBBW #2)
It was my post Baby Mama cohabitation period and I was in pursuit of my new goals:
- to find a new squeeze
- and to have fun doing it
My avenue: Clubbing
And I was doing it BIG every Monday night at the most cracking club in the Bay Area at the time “Club Dread.” Not only were the reggae DJ’s the best around, but the crowd was thick with women from all over the Bay aka “Yay.”
My thing was to hit the dance floor and never leave it unless I needed a drink or to take a piss. And my mission was to seduce a lovely lady on the dance in order to increase my chances of getting to know her better.
For the most part it worked well for me, which was evidenced by the pile of useless phone numbers I had accumulated over the past months. Most of them stroked my ego more than ever really becoming anything of any quality. I mean, I met a few hotties, but I was still single, feel me?…
On one particular night at the club, I was literally immobilized by the beautiful vibration of this dreadlocked queen of a woman. When she walked by I caught a whiff of what smelled like an exotic Indian inscent…And I could see she had a splash of freckles in her creamy brown complexion.“Wow.” It was one of those speechless moments and all I could do was hit her up wit the basic, “Wanna dance?”
She politely smiled like one of those sistas at the dance club that don’t dance and said, “Later.”
That was cool with me. In the meantime I occupied myself on the dance floor. All the while I was keeping an eye out for her, but I didn’t see or even glance her after that. “Oh well,” I thought.
As I made my way to the exit, she bumped into me again and we stared at each other for a brief second. She then took my hand and we made our way back to the dance floor. Once there we silently engaged in one of those mental dance trances (You know, when everything is in sync and no words are necessary). Nonetheless a lot was being said and it didn’t take long before she began to griznind me.
*Please note: Usually I’m able to control myself, but not this instance. I was fully erect and I didn’t care because she obviously didn’t either.
I don’t think we got through 3 songs and it was obvious that we were just teasing our consenting desires.
Once again, she grabbed my hand and pulled me outside, “Did you drive?” she asked in an accent...
To make a long blog short:
She was from Belize, she lived in Berkeley on the same street as me in —a couple of driving minutes away--and she wanted to come home with me (Holla).
Once we got to my crib I eagerly gave her a tour of my "Secrete Garden" (I had been waiting for this moment for months. Man I'm saying the tomatoes were ripe, the grass was cut--I'm saying)
under the moonlight. I Introduced her to my tomatoes and sunflower family and we enjoyed the warm night air in my hammock as we floated
under the avocado tree—no shit!
It must’ve been close to 3am and time stood still as I soaked it all in. “I’m in love,” I thought. “This is perfect.”
The next morning I had a job interview that I had been preparing for, but fuck it. I was in love. So I fucked off the interview (literally) and took her out to lunch with my electricity bill money.
*Please note: In retrospect I see that I was truly “symping" with my gaurd down and priorities backwards...
As the week went on, I thought about her constantly.
And since she lived down the street, I decided to be patient. “There’s
more to come,” I thought. So my patient ass bought 2 concert tickets for that coming
I didn't even ask her to go before I brought the tickets. Still, as expected, she excitedly agreed to attend the show with me and we were off to SF to enjoy one of reggae’s most romantic best, Luciano.
Once we got there it was all so perfect. We found our way up front and she snuggled up in my embrace (I was symping again). As the venue filled I noticed that she growingly became more and more uncomfortable. I mean, she kept looking around wiggling in and out of my embrace. “I think I see my friend,” she said.
Immediately I imagined what kind of friend this must’ve been, so I challenged her to be more specific, “What kind of friend?” I asked.
“Oh, he’s just my friend. He just likes to feel on me,” she said casually.
“Oh shit. Here it comes,” I thought.
A few moments later… “I have to use the bathroom,” she told me.
*Please note: By now I had peeped game. She had some unfinished business walking around and she was feeling uncomfortable about being at the show with me.
“Want me to go (to the restroom) with you?” I knew she was going to say “No” but I just had to fuck with her head a bit since I saw that she was trying to fuck with mine.
“No, I’ll be right back,” she assured.
“Ah’ight,” I thought. Plus the show didn’t start yet. Plus I figured that we were still a new item and the least I could do was let her clean up her closet before I moved in, right? She's human.
10 minutes later: Still, no sign of her and the show hadn’t started yet.
20 minutes later: The show was starting and no sign of ol’ girl.
1 hour later: Same thing. The show was in full swing and she was nowhere to be found. By now I had threw in the towel and divorced her… And I had to piss like a race horse and my feet were on hurt. But I stayed put because I didn’t want her to miss me when she came back.
Almost 2 hours later: The show was at its’ end and I felt someone come hug me from behind. I peeled her arms off me “Yo, I ain’t the one.”
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
I think I actually laughed. I couldn’t believe she was playing dumb.
“What’s the matter?” she continued with her act.
I laughed even more and told her that “I’ll take you home since I did bring you here.” And I really meant it. I mean, even though she pulled some whack shit on me and left me hanging, I felt compelled to make sure she go home safely. Plus, as pissed off as I was, I couldn’t harden to the point to leave her behind and possibly stranded. I mean, I was doing all that I could to from going "pimpish" on her. Sure I could’ve, told her to get a ride with whoever she was kickin’ it with. But I wasn’t raised that way and I was finding it hard—incredibly hard—to bounce on her in the middle of San Francisco. If she never came back I woulda' cut. But she did return (damn).
*Please note: I'm saying my mother would kill me if she found out I did some shit like that. So I stuck it out.
In retrospect, my game was whack. I symped my whole way there and all I could do was tattoo mental notes for the future.
Driving as calm as I could across the Bay Bridge headed toward Oakland, I had little to say and it was like torture to have to sit there and listen to her ask me “What’s wrong?” and “Why are you acting like this?” (And did I mention that I had to piss like a drunken monkey?)
On the verge of my bladder bursting, I reached her crib and silently waited while she climbed the fuck out my ride. But "NO" she was leaning in my passenger window and she wanted to come “home” with me, “I want to see your garden and sleep at your house,” she said.
*Please note: I knew this was my opportunity to indulge in another dysfunctional sexual relationship. I mean, it was hard to turn her pretty ass down. However, I made it look easy.
“I don’t just let anyone in my house like that,” I softly her.
She looked baffled, “But I’ve already been there.”
“Yeah, but I thought you were somebody else.” Then I peeled out that
bitch and rushed home before I pissed on myself. I made it.
The next day I found a homemade envelope slipped under my front door. It was stuffed with a recycled greeting card that had a push-pin hole pierced through the upper left hand corner. It was all faded and old looking and it said, “I think I love you.”
I chuckled and made a special trip to the outside garbage can just to keep the bullshit to a minimum at my crib… I never called or saw her again.
About a year later I ran into her at a club I was Djing at. She was with the other DJ and at one point me and her where backstage at the same time. So I decided to break the silence. I said, “Hey. How ya' doing?"
And she looked at me and started blushing and smiling n shit and looked me dead in my face and said laughingly, "I know you from somewhere." She couldn't even look me in the eyes for any considerable seconds, "Where do I know you from?"
- She was once again doing a bad job of playing stupid
- She really was that stupid
- She had so many one night stands she couldn't quite possibly remember them all
- That bitch was crazy
- I was just as crazy for symping to her ass in the first place
- All of the above
So I let her play her game by her pretty ass self "My bad," I told her. "I thought you were somebody else." I walked away laughing.
*Please note: My game has accelerated and heightened since then and I particularly thank her crazy ass for it.