Crazy Beautiful Black Woman (Pt.1)

CBBW's...
I don’t know why I fall for the Crazy Beautiful Black Woman type time and time again—I just do.
Impressively, I can recognize a Crazy Beautiful Black Woman from a distance and, even though it might be hard, I can leave them “as is” from where I stand.

To my detriment, my weaknesses include big hair, big booties and smooth skin.  If I encounter a Crazy Beautiful Black Woman with these 3 attributes (my 3-point system) the instinctive side of my common sense will usually override any visible warning signs, or whistles to be heard. Consequently, I often push the priority of intelligence,  mental stimulation and respect behind...

In this instance, my common sense was eroded over time.  Yeah, she looked good and she was rocking a 2.75 on my 3-point list, but I knew she was crazy.  So I let 13 years go by while I remained content with glancing her at clubs, parties and local hangout spots. No, I didn’t stalk her. I didn’t have to. We always seemed to be in the same circles separated by a few degrees of acquaintances.  Still, I knew she was crazy.

Nonetheless, I wanted to know her privately.  If anything--because I knew she was crazy--I was good about the whole thing.  I mean, I never even asked her to dance, for her number, nathan.  Instead, I watched her dance with other guys and from a distance and I’d vicariously enjoy it. I even watched her talk to other dudes while she melted in their stares and it was all good for me.

About11-years-deep onto my admiration, she began to smile and say “Hi” to me in passing.  Although we never talked, I was sure she was aware of me and that was good enough.  You see, I knew she was crazy, so I let her be, and I never let it bother me despite my intense magnetism toward her.

Instead, I pursued other avenues like posting ads on Craigslist’s to find more CBBW's... I actually thought the CraigsList thingy was a promising one.  I saw it as an opportunity to ask for what I really wanted in a woman.  So one day I posted with the header: "Erikah Badu, where are you?"

I got 3 responses and 1 of them was from her, the Crazy Beautiful Black Woman.

I didn’t respond to her even though I really wanted to.  I just couldn’t get over the embarrassment nor the claustrophobic feeling that the secrete world of my admiration was shrinking. 

Interesting enough--within 2 weeks of my post and her reply--she trapped me with some casual conversation at one of my weekend hangouts. She began to small talk me, and captivate me with her smile and erotic aroma.  To say the least, the CBBW crushed whatever defense I had left.

To make a long blog short, Crazy Beautiful Black Woman called me 3 hours later and for some dumb reason I thought it to be a perfect moment to build up my courage and admit to her that I had a “confession” to make. Before I could spit out the words of my 13 year crush and Craigslist post, CBBW asked for my home address and said she was on her way to my crib.

Timeline debrief:

15 minutes later, she arrived at my door.

1 hour later, we were both naked.

4 days later, we were nurturing a sexual relationship, and I assigned her a unique ring tone on my cell phone (Andre 3000 “Spread”)

About the 5th day, I visited her house for the first time and she told me not to come over again unless I had “something” for her and her daughter. “I’m a single mother,” she told me. “And you can’t come to my house unless you’re bringing something in,” she snapped.

*Please note: I felt her, I really tried to feel her.  I made myself feel her and when I thought about it, I don’t think that it was what she said, it was how she said it.  She literally turned her clinched her teeth, and got in my face to say, “Don’t ever arrive empty handed.”

*Please also note: It hadn’t been a week and although we were in this accelerating relationship, I wasn’t comfortable with the role of “Step Daddy.” At least not yet.

Day 7, I returned to her door empty handed and she immediately held her hand out beckoning for whatever it was that I was supposed to bring.

Luckily for me I had an unopened, 1/2 gallon jug of the Earth’s most precious substance: water in my car. So I hurried down and back up the flights of stairs to give it to her and she just stood there, unimpressed, unmoved and unhappy with a half gallon of the most purest sunstance on the planet. 

Day 8 (around10am-ish):  Beautiful Crazy Woman called me up to cuss me out because I didn’t bring her and her daughter any “Milk.”

I’m not sure if it woulda’ made a difference, but I hate milk and most dairy products like Islam hates alcohol. I didn’t even bother telling her about my disdain.  Instead, I just let her go off over "milk."  Not bacon.  Not bread. Not an electricity bill.  But "milk."  All the while I was being reminded of Allen Iverson's reponse at a press conference when they confronted him about his constant tardiness and ensuing punishment for being late to practice…”Wer’e talking about practice,” Iverson said  “Practice.  Not the game. Not the game that I go all out for and sacrifice my body.  No, not the game...  But practice.”

Comments

[satisfiedsistah]

Hummmmm

Are you the father of that kid? Then she really doesn't have a right to ask you to bring a thing to the house. It is a custom, and good practice worldwide, to never enter another persons house without some token gift. She has taken it a step too far though. Well now you know. And some advice; stop putting the sex before the horse. You knew she was crazy. But you jumped anyway, and let the physical attraction thing take you through the ringer.
Well are you done now? Have we grown up now? There are PEOPLE who you can't have for good reasons. Because they are crazy...
Okay? Okay.

[emergingpheonix]

Wow!! What a scenario. I think she may have been wondering why you hadn’t talked with her sooner. Regardless, though…Wow!! I need a moment to think…
If you knew the chick was crazy why did you jump in bed with her? I believe in the bonding of souls during sex that was mentioned in another blog here. You must have gotten a dose of crazy from her, because for a second there it seemed like you thought she was making sense. I say that jokingly, but I really think it's true. This chick is one step down from crackhead, and I do mean DOWN. At least a crackhead has the excuse of being under the influence of drugs. But I digress, because the ultimate point is you don’t owe her or her child anything, but the respect to leave them alone until she is mentally more mature and can see how her actions hurt her child ( who is the more important issue in this matter), and mentally shapes them to believe that someone, somewhere “owes” them something. Wow…there are so many different issues going on here I don’t even know where to begin...

Ultimately, the only mistake I think u made was to succumb to your other little head. Leave the crazies alone, and add sanity and reason to your point system, PLEASE!!! There has to be some sort of degree of good character associated with the next "potential"...right?

[miss ahmad]

what's funny is that you are probably gonna get 5 more women to fall for your crazy ass with this post..and they too will be crazy, but intent on proving that they are not! ha ha ha...life is good!

[Don't Push Me]

I so wish I never crossed that line with her. I really believe that I had a spiritual voice whispering in my ear tell me "No. Don't do it."

Unfortunately, I didn't listen... I wish I made it all up. This is the first time I just let it all out. For the longest I felt kinda guilty that I didn't bring her and her daughter any milk. I thought that maybe I messed her morning up. You know, cereal without milk, that'll mess up anybody's day right?

Please trust that I will listen to that rational voice next time. at least I'll try to.

[ladydaynyc]

Crazy is as crazy does and just for the record the only crazy person in this situation is you. You went against your own "6th sense" and kept doing it. What kinda of brother sleeps with a woman and shows up empty handed at her door? No flowers, candy etc. Is she crazy for letting you know that she only wanted 2 things from you? She wanted sex and some material gifts/milk. Whatever. She maybe crazy, but I know you are. Happy New Year!

[Fresh]

Oh my damn. I think I've found another favorite blog.

[sarccastik]

day 5 would have been the last time she seen me...you want me to come with gifts...okay....wait...(i'll be back) only to never return...shit...if she called me...i'll tell her don't call me unless it's a peaceful convo....i'll let you talk to the white lady..(the lady that suggest if you wanna make a call hang up or try the number again)...

[Vin-Su]

Man! "big hair, big booties and smooth skin" you can say that again!! I dated this girl with beautiful big curly hair and since then i've been hooked!

[Vin-Su]

Man i'm so glad i found this blog! This is hilarious man, absolutely hilarious!

[Doc]

I am so late with this comment, having recently discovered this site, but more importantly enjoying an awakening in view of my social dealings past and present.

My comment is poignant and succinct: SET BOUNDARIES !
Unless you sanction permissions, that sh-- does not fly. Do not be afraid to walk, or show them the
door. Put your Robert Beck into play. Robert Beck was the greatest black pimp that actually lived and is the author of that tome. I am not extolling criminal activity, I am expousing a mind set. If Steve Harvey can say what he does, then brothas can flip and/or modify the script as well. Do not allow anyone to foment your inner peace where your sense of self has the potential of being diminished. Personally, I will walk away in minute. I walked away from someone who is/was very special after 40 years. Sure they got some of the property but I have my sense of self and manhood. I am not destitute but I gained something. More importantly my game is still intact and it has been that way before Atlantic City had casino's. Then again brothas I got a little gangster in me (street smarts). You know bulls--- when you see it. Just do not buy into it when it is evident. It is difficult to change things after you have submitted or complied to the will of others. I have this nice guy, passive aggressive persona, that some misjudge until I snatch that rug up from under their feet. Life and the relationships there-in continuously evolve.