On the Verge of Dating Anybody

These Ethnic Men from Other places...........
words by SatisfiedSistah

Ladies I am sure you can agree that occasionally the thought comes; Should I? Should I not? He looks good, he smells good, he speaks real good english, educated and damn he can dance after all.

And a brother hasn't asked me out since, well, it's been along time. Okay so alot of them drive taxis and work at the convenience store that's okay, this is not him.  He works with me...

...He sits near me.  I can hear his music playing from his computer.  When he talks to me I watch his eyes, his lips, and I feel like I'm doing something bad; looking back at him that way.  But it feels good.  You know that feeling good gets you in trouble sometime? But I digress.  Here is this man asking me out, and by all measures he is someone who you should definetly say yes to.  But you are hindered, shackled and afraid that some brotha is going to stop you dead in your tracks with one of those looks.  The look that is supposed to slap you into reality and back in your place.  Waiting for him.  But my mama raised a revolutionary and that didn't apply to just holding up my fist and waving it around and picking out my afro to blackgongus proportions, it meant a heart that couldn't be bound, or taught to behave.  I go for it.  I risk it.  And yes the looks do come.

As he and I stroll down the street his arm around my waist, mine encircling him.  I get the first stare and it steadies me and makes me want to fight.  And then I feel him weaken under my hand, a bit, he doesn't get it.  He says to me, "I'm black" I say to him, "no, you're not black" but you sure as hell aren't white, don't worry about it, they are haters." But it bothers him.  He isn't sure of what foot he's stepped on or what path he's crossed by being with me.  He doesn' t want to offend but he also has the mans drive to pursue and I was the prey. It really is that, isn't it? I enjoy his cooking, his company, and his laugh and the way he calls me "Piyari" (beloved).  But that verge stuff; I just have to say sista's have it too. So tell me what is the verdict? Let me preface this question with a statement from my heart; I don't care.  He will be one, and maybe two but who cares?

I will do as I do to count off days and months and calendar pages.

And in between those days I will have some love.

 

Comments

[mali]

I HEARD THAT!!!!
SOME LOVE! AS BUSTA RHYMES SAYS, "GIMME SOME MO"...One may question self, why or what is the issue with Black Men in your life. Past? Present? ARe you a happy, rebellious revolutionary? Then go ahead then...And for real. He may be Indian but sounds like he know what the word 'Melanin' is... It's Black In every way!!!! Stereotypes of Blacks dating outside of our ethnic/cultural community is much deeper than public stares, glares and wispers. Steppin on the verge and taking a plunge to date other than MY BROTHER requires some serious courage (from ME)...Good luck (sincerely) A sistah o'er here gotta stick it out with a Black Man...(Angie Stone-Black Brotha:)

[satisfiedsistah]

I answer only to one; that being me. My needs, my desires, my drives. If it don't fit, don't do it, if it feels good; well think it over. I have allegiance only to my brain cells, heart beat and soul. I explore and I implore everyone to do it. Inner demons? exorcised but let's just say this reality is what it is and memories linger of rejection at some point I subscribe to no ones ideals and I don't expect anyone to adhere to mine. I run free of all things and center on one, me.
After all at the end of the day you answer to just one. The idea of beholdin to a "race" was never my idea of freedom. So as many before me I step and I step and my steps are my path and no one elses. That is freedom and it is sweet.

[Don't Push Me]

I think that if your like Mary J. and all you "want to be is happy," then run with it.
All I'm saying is that you gotta be real about it. I'm the kind of Kat that believes that it aint nothing wrong with wanting what you want. And if that's a Black man so be it. Anything else is temporary: White, Asian, Indian etc...

Just be aware that as long as there are Brothas out there like me, there will always be a chance of you running into some kind of "tisk-tisk" vibe--especially if the Sista's argument was that there aren't any "good Black men out there..." For some reason, that shit pisses me off.

Lastly, deep down--and maybe even just under the surface--you know if it'll really work for you. Personally, I think not. Then again, that might just be the jealous Black man in me.

In sum, I need to come home and bitch about some shit, or just rant about the things out there that challenge me as a Black man, and if my "other ethnic" girl can't feel me, what's the use? I'm open to other experiences, but I really feel like I need that "Black thing" in common with my woman. I mean, if I don't have it with her, knowing me, I'm just going to go connect with another Sista elsewhere.

Plus, I like Black children. I used to be one...I have 9-year-old son--he Black. And at all the parties of my friends and their children, it's like he's the last Mohican. Everybody else is half this and half that. Back in the day, mixed kids were rare and somewhat exotic. Nowadays, it's just the opposite. I bet when my son hits 16 and 17, all the girls will jock him because he's Black, I'm Black and so is his mama.

An Indian dude huh? I never thought they aged well...

[Miss Ahmad]

Well the beauty of the diaspora is that black people are world wide. you can date someone from just about anywhere who is of african descent. I have dated Puerto Rican, Dominicans, Haitians, Jamaicans, Europeans of African Decent and the good old African American brother. If you don't mind you a little accent, you can get your black man on, and still be world wide! It's a beautiful thing it really is. Although I am not personally opposed to interracial couples, I just don't think it's for me. I've not had the best of luck with these black men I love, but I love them just the same!

[satisfiedsistah]

Thanks to everybody for their comments on this piece. I can tell it did raise some issues with those who subscribe to racial exclusivity.

I would like to address: Don't Push Me...

First who gives a shit if a person ages prematurely? We all have our genetic weaknesses. And that is not criteria for seeking solace or companionship. Second, As I said in the piece I will never ever allow anyone to tsk tsk me into "place. So the threat of it is meaningless in this discussion. I mentioned it in the piece to allow those who subscribe to this behavior, especially publically to understand that it is a form of hatred and sabatoge. It is in a way saying to the male; "I challenge you..." I still believe what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Have you written any letters to the numbers of rappers who display women of clearly non-black ambiguous racial identity in their videos? Have you written or complained to the black men, atheletes and actors, politicians who marry white women? I think not. It is easier by far to stroll down a city street and single out a "sister who is exercising her god given freedom to date and marry whom she pleases than to stand up to your "brotha and pull them into check for publically announcing through inference; "black women aint shit." Kobe Bryant is an excellent example of ths as is OJ Simpson. I don't even want to talk about the rappers who have done this. My hat is off to guys like Jerry Rice, Denzel, and others who practice such rare thing a black man honoring a black woman. Check it out, can you say your stuff is that clean?
Look at your motivation. I am asking in this piece for you to remove the mote from your eye, meaing collective black men, and then turn to a sista. I saw a Dr.Phil show were a black man stood up in the audience and announced, on television that he wouldn't date, nor marry a black woman. The few black women in that audience were speechless. My question is this; Why oh why must black men peddle their hatred and dislike of black women even in public forums? I am going to send for that transcript of that show so everyone can read it and weep.