Black Women at the Dance Club Who Don't Want to Dance

I hope to not only represent in this blog, but I hope this blog goes far because I know I'm speaking for a gang of Brothas who have been at the club just wanting to get their grove on, and it's way too complicated simply beacause the seemingly available Sistas at the club are more comfortable watching the dance floor from the edge of it, rather dance on it...

What really kills me is that it's a DANCE CLUB and I can't help but think, "Why else are you here then?" 

And it's not like they just say, "No."  It's always:

1. "No, not right now." Which really means, "No. And don't look to dance with me later."
2. And then there's the smile with a quick hand touch, "No, but thank you."
3. And my favorite: She slightly turns her head away as if whatever you said wasn't even worth a response.

Over the years I've cultivated my own responses and approaches for the Sista's too good to dance at the dance club:

1) I look them dead in the eyes to make it that much harder for them to senlessly so, "No."

2) And when she does say, "No" I immediately turn to the girl next to her (friend or not) and ask her if she'd like to dance--you'd be surprised how much this works and kinda clowns her friend for saying "No" in the first place. 

3) Then as a last resort, I'll walk aimlessly around the dance floor, pacing past the same women who told me "No," and then I'll get a White girl. For some Black girls, this really bugs them.  But hey, they didn't want to dance--remember?

On the flip side, I gotta give a shout out to the brown honeys and other beautiful who are quick to groove with a brotha.  It's women like y'all that keep the vibe cool and keep a brotha inspired.  And a very special shout to Jeanette... Perhaps if she didn't call from a "restricted number" or just left her number, we woulda' got passed the missed connections.  Oh well, thanks for the voice mail!

Comments

[Black Girl]

Flipside.... a sista stops even going to hiphop clubs because brothas don't even dance...all they want to do is lean back....as the says.... So alot of sistas latin dance because the man has to really be interested in dancing to engage them in the activity. Maybe all we dancing folk need meet up and have the ultimate party.

[OK ONYX]

I hear what you are saying Brotha! I got another one for you...

What about the sista's you see moving their shoulders to the beat, lowering their heads and raising there hands, and as you make your way to catch them feelin' it....they still say no?...

You know how brothas talk about all the numbers they pulled on the ride home? I think sistas brag about all the dudes they turned down at the club. White girls love to dance with a brotha, but they have a tendency to dance with their hair and that can be a bit distracting.
I prefer mompi gals myself. I am a thin brotha so I rarely get shot down by a fatty gurl.

Maybe they should be my first resort instead of my last?

[satisfiedsistah]

Oh my this sounds like so much whiney boy stuff. Guess what? When you go to a club nobody, and I mean, nobody is obligated to dance with you at all. So there. Second, if you get attitude when turned down you should be soundly spanked, that kind of stuff should have been left in kindergarten. It's open session when you go out you get turned down, feelings get hurt, everything if you can't handle it then; why are you there? So what's my point? I have gone to clubs; I will separate the activity from "mixed" and exclusively black". In the mixed clubs I can't get a dance, brotha's are climbing all over the white chicks. Yep, yep, it's true. Black women have this reaction that they can't outwardly expose such as "nigga please." White girls can't dance, and as the one poster says,"they tend to dance with their hair." Okay so why, oh why can't I get a black man to look past the white meat and see me? Oh well, as I said earlier in this post when you go out and put yourself on the line you have to expect rejection, so go with the flow, when a black man ignores me, meaning he doesn't ask me to dance I don't care how much I make eyes at him across the floor, then I just turn that little switch in my head and head for white men, middle eastern men, anything that moves and shake my ass til I need a chiropractor. All black clubs? I dance with whatever moves too, especially the Older brothas who know how to groove. But it's all marketing in the end and if you market yourself right, and in the right places you will have success. Stop whining fellas. You have been chastised. And ask a sista to dance...

[mali]

First, Let me say "I love your images" especially this one! Classic photo. Sistahs, we go out to have fun and WE SHOULD DO So. Sounds like we need to giv OUR Brothas a chance and accept a dance. Else we are pushin them to the verge to splurge. Yes, on his own merit but I must say I am guilty as well as balanced in every now and then saying, "Yes,once I finish My drink...I'll dance w. you" and literally find him, if he doesnt wait for me to finish and proceed to get my party on. Soley because I love to go out, DANCE and laugh with the person I am two-steppin twerkin, windin, droppin or poppin it with! Definintely, My girlz and I are NO WALLFLOWERS!

[Miss Ahmad]

Okay so I thought about you when I was at the club last night. I went out to dance specifically, by myself, with my girls, or whomever might want to dance with my sweaty ass. So when Tony with a missing tooth wanted to dance, I obliged, even offered the dude a piece of gum. When Tony with a missing tooth couldn't really find a beat to dance, stepped on my foot twice and kept trying to converse while I was dancing...He got dismissed! Not because of anything besides the fact that he was ON THE VERGE OF DOING ANYTHING BUT BUSTING A MOVE! and i was there to get my groove on.

[Don't Push Me]

Ms. Ahmad:

Ah'ight. Toothless Tone wasn't a canidate, but he was worthy of a harmless dance. That's all I'm saying. I do charity at the clubs too. And not only do I feel good about it, I think it makes a Brotha more appealing--you know the nice guy vibe.
Now I bet, you had some qualified Brothas step after Toothless was fired, right? Don't lie.

[Chakalte]

Why would you be so quick to dismiss a black woman because she just so happened to not be ready to dance with you? And then you would go so far to antagonize the issue by flauntng a white girl in front of these women? If there is one of you who will do this. . . guaranteed there are others . . AND it maybe that that ONE woman you spoke to has been victim to that type of behavior previously. The bottom line. . when you go to the club, brotha, find someone who WANTS to dance with YOU and stop tripping on those that don't. Remember there is someone for everyone and everyone is not necessarily for you. Check it!

[Don't Push Me]

I find the above comment interesting...In sum, I hear Chakalte's response, then again it seems like the response can easily be reversed; basically getting no where...
My question behind the whole post is, why are Sista's so quick to dismiss a Brotha'?

And based on experience--and homey testimony--the "Sistas at the Dance Club that don't want to Dance" phenomenon is not a isolated one. It happens all the time to a gang of Brothas.

All I'm saying is, if your going to a Dance Club, don't be victim. Leave that hang-up at home.

Just like the millions of Brotha who brave the the Dance Club rejection week after week, I'm gonna get my money's worth and have a good time.

That's it. we aint asking for a long time commitment. Can't we all just get along? I aint mad are you?

[heynow]

DID YOU EVER THINK that those women might not know HOW to dance?!? they might be going to a club to hear good music, to see people, to have fun w/their friends, to shake their ass a little, but maybe they feel insecure about full-on dancing? maybe they saw you on the dance floor already and your skills were too much for them???

this honestly is something that is going on in my head when i refuse to dance w/a guy-- i don't want to get out there & embarrass myself. i give your "response #2". why is that such a diss to you?

or either i could be tired & taking a break, or in the middle of a convo w/my friends, or ANYTHING!!!

DON'T TAKE SHIT SO PERSONAL. Please.

[TISH]

OKAY..SOMETIMES A SISTAH'S FEET HURT. I MYSELF WEAR ATLEAT 3 INCH HEELS TO THE CLUB AND AFTER A WHILE I NEED TO REST MY BAD BOYS, SO I MAY NOT WANT TO DANCE AT THE MOMENT.

AND LET ME SPEAK ON THE BROTHA'S.
1. I'M FROM THE BAY WHERE WE HYPHY AND GO DUMB TOO..HOWEVER...IF YOU ARE DOING THE DAMN DUMMY SO MUCH THAT IT IS NOT REALLY EVEN OBVIOUS THAT "WE" ARE DANCING TOGETHER, I WILL WALK AWAY AND LEAVE YOU LOOKING RETARDED ALONE.

2. I LOVE TO DANCE, TRUST ME HONEY, MAMA GET'S BUSY...BUT JUST BECAUSE I DANCE WITH YOU DON'T MEAN THAT WE ARE " A CLUB COUPLE" FOR THE NIGHT. I HATE DANCING WITH A BROTHA AND THEN WHEN I WANT TO GO SIT DOWN HE ACTS ALL POSSESIVE ABOUT IT. DON'T GRAB MY WAIST OR HAND TO TRY AND STOP ME FROM SITTING MY TIRED ASS DOWN, AND DON'T KEEP COMING UP TO ME ASKING ME TO DANCE, I WILL GET UP WHEN I AM RESTED.

3. DON'T TRY TO HAVE SEX WITH ME ON THE DANCEFLOOR PLEASE. I DON'T NEED TO BE BENT OVER ( UNLESS I CHOOSE TO), HAVE MY HAIR PULLED, HAVE YOUR HARD DICK JABBED AGAINST MY BUTT/BACK, OR- THE CLASSIC, TRY TO KISS MY NECK OR WHISPER SWEET NOTHINGS IN MY EAR...NIGGA I DON'T KNOW YOU! lol...AND ALSO I WILL TOTALLY GO GRAB A BROTHA OFF THE SIDELINES AND MAKE HIM DANCE, BUT DON'T TRY TO ACT LIKE YOU ARE ALL THAT AND JUST STAND THERE WHILE I GET MY SLOW WIND ON...SO BROTHA'S, CHECK YOUR DANCE CLUB BEHAVIOR ALSO.

[DPM]

Ah'ight, still...you know what I'm saying though. Perhaps, you're exempt from this one.
As for getting hyphy and going dumb, I think that t.u.r.f. (taking up room on the floor) dancing is a result of Brothas getting tired of getting rejected--So they dance by themselves or with eacth other. So there. See you at the club "Tish." :)

[Jane Lane]

Black men are worthless. That's why I have never dated one. You could say that I am not on the verge of dating a white man - I HAVE ALWAYS DATED WHITE MEN!!

[dpm]

I'm sure they can have you. You're not worthy. You've never dated one because you hate yourself. Get a grip.

[Doc]

I am an older man.

I dated them all, was married to an exceptional black woman for 18 years. I like the married life, but I am now going to Brazil. I met a couple brothers who married Brazilian women. I am disenchanted with American black women, it is time for a change. I know there will be an outcry of outrage, but this is about me and I could give damn. Brazilian black women are still black women it is just a different culture, and language.