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I feel the same exact way! You typed my thoughts and the sentiments of actual conversations that I've had recently. Do what you do! But when you (male or female of any race) exclusively dates a race other than your own...I start looking for the psychological issues. Anyway, kudos.

Me

I see what you're saying but that sea of black men is quite fictional. Even if you live in a large city, quality black men are few and far between. Black men deny this continously, but it's a fact. You can step outside your front door and see the male shortage with your own two eyes.

dpm

I hear you both. However, I disagree with the "shortage" of Black men belief. A Black man could easily say the same about Black women. But the truth is that there is a gap between Black men and Black women. A void.

I call this place "The Verge." The best we can do is fill in the blank spot of communication.

This is a start.

stacey brewer

I think it doesn't bother me to see many black women with white men because as long as they are happy with each other it all that should matter. I think that many black men choose white women because of what they are treated by white women if they are in a good relationship with a white woman. I think another reason why many black women go for white men is because white men will spned the money on them, too many black men with white women, and because there are not that many black men who make more money than white men period. Since I only date white women I am labled as a sellout by many black women even if the white woman I am dating turns out to be a good woman. I tend to go by what I am attracted to and for me I am usually attracted to lighter skinned women like blondes. It is not race or color that I look at it is all if I like that person for what they are to me. Since I do not make a lot of money or drive a nice fancy car or have the bling bling or talk slang then I am passed over many times by the sisters and the white girls are paying more attention to me. I am not one to judge but I think many black men go outside of their race when dating for several reasons. I believe that many black women tend to expect more and demand more of black men than if a black man is with a white woman. Anytime you date within your race a lor more is to be expected of you because you feel that you owe some credit your race. I think it goes the saem for white men who date within their race as well, it seems like white women who date only white men can be as demanding as black women who date black men. I think the reason why many white women go for black men is because a black man is looked upon as being more masculine, good sports, talk more smoothly, good dancers, good dressers, and they want to be cool. Many white women who date only black men ever hardly go back to dating any white men and if they do go back to dating white men it is because of pressure from their family or friends.

dpm

Stacey Brewer:

Ahmm.... I'm trying dude. I'm really trying to feel you. But I don't care who you are, if you "...only date white women..." and you ain't white(?), I'm leaning toward thinking that there's something deeper at play here.

I'm saying, do you like Blackness? Do you like to live it? Multiply it? Obviously not. Then Again, maybe you do in your own way.

I'm doing my best NOT to exclaim your comment as pure Pathiggatry ... Opps... I think I just did.

My bad. May the Verge be with you and your white girl. Peace.

Laura

Hey.... honestly... i didnt read through all of this because i personally dont care to much but then again i had to post this... i think this is a stupid ass thing to say... who really cares... i personally am a white lady and prefer a black man but... then again i know i cant help who i fall in love with and who God has planned out for me. Im not sure why everyone is sweatin what someone else does... if you see these people out on the street walkin, grocery shopping or whatever... why you care? they arent trippin off what your doin so why you sweatin them... point being... you cant help who you fall in love with... Only God can control that and the only reason it would bother me to see a black lady with a white man is if he isnt treatin her right... i dont really see race as an issue... maybe in like 1932 you could have a reason but come on now its bout to be 2007 ya'll need to grow with the years ya feel me? Im not hatin on anyones relationship for whatever reason as long as they are happy... God Bless!


admin

All props due to most admirable DPM.

Laura,

In the essence of DPM I can only question how you "prefer" yet "God controls" your obsession for Black men (Yes, obsession is my word).

Perhaps you and the above commenter "Stacey Brewer" should hook up. Personally, "The Verge" is more concerned with happiness of Black women and Black Love. I'm not sure that you can relate to that in 2007. Plus, OTV is rather ignorant to your interracial experience(s).

May the Verge be with you and your Black boyfriend(s).

Melanie

I'm a black women who yes dates white men. It's not like Stacey so ignorantly states. How can you comment on what a black women does when your not a black women? I could care less who dates who. Some black people tend to put themselves and other black people in boxes. You have to dress a certain way,listen to certain music, talk a certain way. The list goes on. Why are black women looked at as gold diggers when we just want the best for ourselves? After all there are more black single mothers then any other race. How may black women get to stay at home taking care of the kids while her husband goes to work. Tell me why is that? Not enough black fathers in the home being good role models. Yes I date white men but no thats not all I've dated. I put the same demands on whomever I date. My parents gave me the best of the best and why should or would I lower my standard to date someone out of my race or put the same demands on black men. So Stacey if your being passed up by black women then it's something other than your lack of the bling bling. Proof is in the pudding sweetie if your dating women who is not pushing you to be the best then they don't want the best for themselves. What wrong with being someone because they make you laugh? You listed things that white women are into. Who care about dancing, cloths, being good, smooth talkers. My husband can't dance a lick and he may not be into the Fubu. But he's sweet, We have two kids, a 500,000 dollar home and I'm a stay at home mom. FYI I have a college degree and only quite to raise my kids. So calling all sisters think about what you want for not only you but your kids. Cloths fade, cars get rusted, What up gets old when your paying all the bills. Oh and last but not least all he going to be doing is dancing is way to the hood in your car and spending you money

Anthony

Melanie I would agree with u, except as usuall your entire perspective on life is predicatedon on what you want. It appears that the idea of sacrafice, love and faithfullness has passed you by. Clearly, you have allot of negative perceptions about black men. Let me school you. Black men are the most feared and hated males on the face of the planet. Your white husband, freinds and fore barers have done everything over the last 420 years to ensure his destruction, without success. Thanks to your ignornance of your history (Black history) coupled with the socialization of your mind that has been accomplished through the propogation of negatvie sterotypes that the media has shown us all our lives. (Example Black exploitation movies of the 70's, negative stereotypes of black man only has hustlers, hoods, cheaters, unstrosworthy, unintelligent, crooks etc.) Conversely white men shown in a positive light) You have been dooped. I believe on some level in your mind you know it. But you're so socialized and conditioned by society to go for your own you won't recongnize.

The truth is the plan control and cultivation of black people is underway and the best way to do this is to insure white men do the rearing of the children, not black men. But first the black man has to be eliminated. To insure this is a generational occurance an absolute must is to ensure the black woman has a negative self image, despises the black man and views the white man in a positive light, even admiring hime.

The firs step is to get put the black woman over her black man, this will ensure she will be the instrument of his destruction and unknown to herself, her own (Self hatred). This ensures (desruction from within)
Black woman today more so than ever look downward upon black men. Check it out do white woman call white men, "DOGS". Don't get it twisted the Brothers have equally been the victum of this socialization as well (Calling woman whores, bitches etc,.)
The plan is simple destroy the black mans role in the household, cut off his avenue for success. Use the government to remove hime from (welfare, jail, social assistnce) the house. Make it so If a black woman needs help from, dont' let the familiy get asstance, let only the woman get it. This will creat distain for the man by the woman, she will inturn resent him and he himself. the result will be either she ask him to leave of he will leave.
Where is your blacknnes, Stop thinking about yourself and acquire enouph sense to check your history and ask the question, "Why are black men in america (all over the world) in a bad plac" Are you so socialized that u think its just by chance, or are there other forces at work here.

Your probably so out of toon to what I'm saying that you probably think that black men have just as if not better opportunity to succeed in america as your white man. Check your history, only one race of men on the face of the planet of systematically been responsible for the destruction and degregation of people of color and your sleeping with hime everynight. Don't belive me, Check the history books they wrote.

Congradulations on being a white man's whore. Check it out, your children will be black, lord if you have a son you will see that despite all your efforts to provide fair and equitable opportunities for him, he still is a black man. But you will have a good life (so u think) Oh' That's right, "Its all about You, isnt it.

Dee

Color should not be a issue. What matters most is how the individual treats you. If the person you're with happens to be of another race, so be it. There are too many people in the world who spend their time passing judgement on others. In the end it is not us who has the last say. You should enjoy life while you're here and learn to love one another regardless of what color they may be or where they come from. When you cannot learn to accept someone for who they are and learn to look pass the color of their skin, then we become close minded. If you should walk down the street and see two individuals, hand in hand, of a different race, don't look at them as if they are committing a crime. Love is beautiful, no matter what skin your in and whom you choose to be with. I happen to be engaged to a white man. Did I seek out to be with a white man? No! I've dated black men, hispanic men, not because I thought one race was better than the other, it was the individual and how I was treated. When you learn to look pass the outer appeareance, you learn see the true beauty within.

carrie

you can not blame white men for all of black men problems and that is why black people are going nowhere. We are so caught up on"The white Man" and not focused on how we can make our community better. Lets stop blaming others and start to rise up and take responsibility for ourselves. I am a black woman married to a white man also and I don't blame him for what happened to black people over 100 years ago thats just stupid!!

Irene

I'm a black female and i normally go for white men...why you may ask. I'll be honest, i don't generally find black men attractive, they don't generally turn me on and i just feel as though i can't trust them (the majority are all players) I say let the white woman have them because us black women have put up with them for sooo long so we should evolve and move on to white guys which we are already doing!!!

Irene

I also just wanted to add that i feel my attraction to white men has come from the simple fact that black men are just not that into black women anymore, so i have learned to disregard them.

admin

Irene:

(I wish I could type the look of disbelief and disgust on my face right now...)

But, I interpret your words to say that you don't find beauty in the Black man who contributed to your existence--your father.

You represent a large and real number of Black women who have thrown in the towel regarding Black men. It's women like you that have pushed or pulled me to "The Verge."

Quite frankly, I stopped writing on this site even though I check it regularly. But your insistent resistance has caused me to speak up for the beautiful Black men who continue to withstand hope in spite of Black female negative energy like yours.

I just want to say that you can't let a few Brothas represent us all. I'm saying, am I to believe that most Black women think...no let me use your word, "evolve" like you?

Hell no. Excuse my harshness and don't take it personal. But you obviously have an undealt with issue going on that repulses you from Black men.

For instance, you can't trust us? Most of us are players?...

It sounds like too much TV to me.

Moreover, I see Black women like you often. Your the type to be rolling with a white dude and turn your head away from a mere brother who just happens to be walking in your direction...

All I gotta say is "Puh-Leeze" and "May the Verge be with you and whatever White dude you happen to be dating now or in the future."

Irene

I don't know how the current situation is where you live (i'm guessing in the USA?) But over here in the UK ALOT of black men are dating white women. One time a friend of mine was out and was standing at the bus stop and she said she was literally surrounded by couples consistung of a black man with a white woman! My friend is black herself and felt rejected. You are right though, i should not paint all black men with the same brush and i have met some attractive black men too, but generally i just tend to go for white guys because it has been pumped into my head that black men are players, useless, and not trustworthy. It's harsh i know, and i do LOVE my dad (black men in his time were different, loved their black women).However, black men of today, of this generation, their attitudes have changed ALOT. Besides i rarely come into contact with decent black guys anyway, its always white guys. But at the end of the day its who your heart falls in love with and thats colour blind...in theory!!

Irene

By the way has anybody seen 'something new'? If so what did you think of it??? It didn't come out over in the UK but i managed to get the dvd. I love it...it's always a black man and white woman so this film was refreshing to watch!

admin

"Something New" was the most unrealistic movie I saw in 2006. I'm saying, in real life at leat one of her girlfriends (maybe even 2 or 3) woulda' stood up and cheered for the Brotha. Instead, they supported her to give the White dude a chance. C'mon...

That movie was whack and unrealistic. But let a Brotha star in a movie where he falls in love white a white girl... The whole Black female population would have a fit.

"Something New" get's the middle finger and I'm considering suing the producers for wasting my time.

admin

And yes. Things are somewhat different here in the United States. I'm always careful to point out that my perspective is one of a Single Black American Male.

Have you seen "Brown Sugar?"

Irene

What do you mean lets have a movie with a black man and white woman...THAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE CASE e.g 'save the last dance'! Even on this website there is an album being advertised called 'Niggaz and white girls' i believe!!! One thing i have noticed about black men is that its okay for you guyz to date your white or asian girls but whenever a black woman dates a white man...all hell breaks loose, she called a sell out, she has attitude, she self hates, but for a black man dating outside his race it just means the BLACK WOMAN pushed him to do it...WHATEVER!!
And yes i have seen Brown sugar, The black man who stars in it is fine, he isn't that popular here in the UK so i've forgotten his name, but HELLO, TO MY SURPRISE HE IS DATING OR MARRIED TO A WHITE WOMAN ISNT HE??? Pur-lezze brothers!!!

DDs

I don't like seeing a sister dating a white guy but we have to be realistic about it. More sisterS are going to school and they are expanding their horizons and us, the brothers, well, we're going to the prison systems so it really doesn’t surprise me that sisters are dating white guys. I don't like it but it's a reality. They are going to school learning new things and they want to share intelligent conversation & thought with their black men, but they can't because it seems that we can only talk about sport & play. I think the fact that black women are dating white guys should be a "wakeup" to brother to better themselves and "diss" the thug life image that we are associated with.

admin

Nicely stated.

Cheddar

im a white woman and i have a byracial child me personally i have no problem with my own i love my fellow white folk but also every other race WE ALL BLEED RED!!!!!!!!!! yes ive been kicked out my house n everything at 16 for dating a black man i will never be racist tho or tell my self not to mess with a certain race just because other people have issues with themselves and other peoples priorities i dont just lean towards black men either they pay me more attention because i am thick 4 a white girl and i have red hair[this is what they tell me when i ask why they like me] all i know is a good man is a good man. AND JUST TO LET YALL KNOW THERE ARE VERY FEW OF YALL REGARDLESS OF WHAT COLOR U ARE. SO GET YALLS SHIT TOGETHER!!!!and you wouldent have insecureities on whos datn who whos fuckin who n whos usin who and what color the person they're do it with

the really real

Oh Cheddar ,


So you are one of those white girls. Tell me is your Baby Daddy around?

The thing white girls like you never get is why brothas say half of that dumb shit to you in the first place. "I like you because you are Thick" or " the black women are drama but you are different" bullshit. Panties are panties for a good number of them no mzatter what the color.

But just to get a little intellectual on you and hope you can handle it... Most black women will not tolerate half the dumb shit brothas do or NOT DO.

Tell me is your Babby Daddy in the picture ? Is he around paying full child support? How many other babies does he have with other white women or black women for that matter? Just curious.

Black women who are bothered by black men dating white women are not hating against white anybodies. We are simply trying to love our black race, but Black men are taking the easy way out of the racism, and lessons of self-hate taught by whites in this country by running to white girls like yourself who cannot understand or help the situation not even in loving them.

So what happens next, black men move on to the next thing , white , spanish, asian to try and fill that void or verge. He does not love himself enough to say , " no matter who I fall in love with I will try to make it bettr for myself and my legacy and honor the mother and marry her. Try to do better in education and lifeso it can be a bit easier for my black and/ or bi-racila children. Not fuck around and rop my seeds allover the place, and most importantly not screw around without a condomn and infect and physicaly hurt 2 or more people.

Not to say that other races don't do the same , but with blacks' history and the racist shit your family put you and your baby through... the kind of shit we get everyday and we are black; with so many issues that face us we need to stick together and re-enforce our race and not add to the issues we face daily.

It truly starts with women, all women black and otherwise . Black men are very pressured to assimulate, hate themselves and their race, and take the easy way out which is running outside of their race and doing the same bullshit elsewhere too.

It is time to face the music!

Aa a brother once told me "game is game". Most will be with a white girl because it is easy and they do not have to do as much or work as hard. This what I've been told many times.

So no need to get angry because you got a taste of what Blacks go through , but just a taste.

Black women are angry because we are faced with dealing with the issues alone while brothers runaway from it.

Virtue

Really Real, I couldn't have said it no better. I applaud you addressing "Carrot Top" (Cheddar) the business. I guess she think its ok to be thick with no brains.

admin

CheddarChezzy,

You mean Brothas actually tell you they like "Red Hair?"

...Wow...

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