The Baby's Mama: Friend or Foe?

In this world of language where expression is so slippery that you have to be articulate and possess the ability to elaborate in order to communicate or just to get your point across, unfortunately, all I have to do is say "My Baby's Mama" and any 9 out of 10 Brothas will instantly feel me.

Why is this?  Because it's real.

As if the Bush agenda, police, economy, or even the price of gas weren't enough, I gotta wake up every day and brace myself for the next bullet of her actions.

Just today when I questioned my son at soccer practice why he didn't follow my instructions and call me every evening after he completed his homework, he simply answered, "You gotta talk to my mother about that."

Knowing my son, I knew that these weren't his words--they were the words of his mother.

Being that it was just a matter of minutes before his mother picked him up, it was it not the time and place go there with him about the importance of our communication, I just had to stand there and take the emotional bullet he--unknowingly--just delivered to my chest.

Amidst these days of times where co-parenting from separate households is just as common as Kanye West in the top 10, why must we make raising our children that much more difficult?

As much as I love son, I fight the urge to hate his mother.  To this day, he is the best and worst thing to ever happen to me.

The best being him.

The worst being the relationship with his mother.

Comments

[satisfiedsistah]

Okay something this sad has become an everyday word even in white america. Aren't we ashamed that our people have created a word for their failure to couple properly? Look ladies, use condoms, and use some self control. Spontaneity doesn't mean stupidity. Sometimes though I think all this baby having is a weak woman's way of trying to trap a man who is not interested in a "real" relationship, and it's also a way of staying put, not moving forward in the work force and not challenging mental abilities. No career goals other than taking care of babies, come on black women, we have brains, let's turn the table around, use the upper part above the shoulders and leave the lower part til later unless you can manage to keep it under control. No one mentioned that STDs in the black population, not to mention HIV is large. The refusal to screen partners, use condoms, and common sense are all reasons. Am I getting through to anybody? There is so much stupid mythology among blacks its mind boggling. "it don't feel good if you use rubbers" "I'm allergic to latex" etc. etc. but nobody cares that having a baby is a big medical risk, and not to mention financial drain, and emotional drain. Our children deserve better than single parent homes, we can be good parents, and make good marriages and stop the baby mama drama!

[Jai]

As a divorced mom, I, too, am somebody's Babies Mama. It is a very hard position for both parents to coparent when they are no longer together. Too often, the bad taste of the relationship gone wrong affect the parental link, long after both parties have moved on. Heck, my momma is STILL harpin' about back child support from my dad. (I was the only child and about to be 33. You would think she would learn to just let go...damn...). I have adopted the philosophy that I will never speak ill of my children's father in front of them and will always be cordial when he is in my home. I try to present my children with a united front of their dad and me. I don't countermand his parenting when they are at home with me. However, when it comes to just him and me, it is a different story. After all these years, he still works my last nerve and finds new and inventive ways to p me off. (How you gonna claim kids on your taxes and you don't pay child support and get them once a damn month? Oh..uh...sorry 'bout that. Tax time is a little touchy ...hee hee hee). When we do have our differences, I make sure that I tell my children that I won't be passing my messages through them and don't ask about anything that he tells them. Hopefully, they will come out balanced and not have a lot of parental issues, at least about our divorce. And hopefully one day my ex will grow the hell up so we can both parent and I can transcend being a Babies Mama.

[MzNewAgenda]

I too am a single mother. I don't talk bad about my ex because *shrug* hey at one time I thought enough of them to make them a "current" it just didn't work out. I don't co-parent with him though. Not my choice, his. But even in his absence, I know that I am mindful of how I answer my kids when they ask. I tell them plainly, "It just didn't work out with us and it is not your fault." I am fortunate that I don't need the child support to provide for my sons. I just think that too many black men are used to "drama" when dealing with the "baby's momma" So they just bounce and don't deal with either one.

[Yeah, right...]

So, my question is... Why are you placing the responsibility of your communication with a child ON A CHILD? Why are you, as father/parent/adult, not taking responsibility of calling the child at the appointed time?

Yeeeuuh.... Let me introduce you to a new term, "baby's daddy."

[admin]

I just asked my son to call me. I call him all the time. In my own way, I was attempting teach him how to communicate with an effort from his angle.
And "Baby's Daddy" ain't new... It's been a word/term. The connotation is yours to create.